#harry's house album

[lockzinhas]

[eggsdoodz]

u are so important <3

[romidoes]

you don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up.

[sweet-creature101]

Washing Machine Heart

Summary: You, a reserved student find yourself in the midst of an intense with Harry Styles, who happens to be your friend’s boyfriend. Your connection ignites into a consuming, high-stakes affair, each encounter fraught with desire and danger, pushing both of you to the brink as you wrestle with guilt and loyalty.

A forbidden affair; affair trope.

Warnings: mention of alcohol. LOTS OF ANGST.

27th February 2014

4:08 p.m

The wind was cold today and so were you. The sun, hidden under a cloak of clouds, was nowhere to be seen. The streets of London never looked so desolate and dull. Even the usually vibrant Villon Street today looked as if it had been washed in grey and white. Your shoes clacked against the hard pavement, your focus directed at the wind and the cold that nicked at your face.

Over the years you developed a perception that you’re invisible, a shadow slinking in corners long forgotten. You look around, your ears blocking out the chatter and squeals of your friends; friends who would often disregard you when together, far too immersed in each other's stories of disastrous flings and affairs. But they were your friends, your friends to call, your friends to keep no matter how ignorant or oblivious they sometimes became.

“Y/N?” Sharon suddenly spoke out loud, drawing you out of your trance.

“Yeah?” You suddenly asked, your posture becoming straighter, your eyes becoming alert.

Sharon looked at you intently, her blue eyes scanning you up and down before sighing. “There’s a party tomorrow at, what 7?” Sharon asked Regina in the middle of her sentence.

Regina simply nodded while texting, her wispy brown hair wafting with every gust of wind. Sharon continued, “Yes, so there’s a party tomorrow at the frat house. Would you like to join? We’re all getting ready at my place.”

Sharon and you lived in the same apartment building. You were looking for the cheapest accommodation, a one-bedroom apartment off campus because living with absolute strangers was far too daunting for you. And that is how you met Sharon, whom your mother instantly loved owing to her extroverted demeanour.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” You smiled at the three girls.

“Great!” Tara exclaimed.

The four of you spent the next hour drinking coffee and discussing your outfits for the party; albeit you occasionally answered in full sentences, opting for curt words instead. As the clock struck seven in the evening, Tara and Regina decided to head back to campus while you and Sharon made your way to Greene Street, where your apartments were situated. “Come with me, I have to show you my new dress,” Sharon said before you got a chance to head to your apartment.

Sharon’s apartment was right next to yours but seemed a world apart. Her apartment was littered with stray clothes, makeup and syllabus books everywhere while yours sported an impressive collection of novels, journals and trinkets and the walls were painted with various constellations, flowers, sunsets or anything you wished to preserve.

You stepped over Sharon’s strewn clothes and sat on her bed, waiting for her to come out. Suddenly the doorbell rang and you were up in qualms, not knowing what to do.

“Sharon, someone's at the door.” You said, standing close to the bathroom door so that she could hear you clearly.

“Must be Harry, why don’t you open it? It’ll take me a while in here.” Sharon replied.

You stood for two seconds, mapping out your plan of action when the bell rang for the second time. “Coming!” You yelled.

You opened the door and there stood Harry Styles, Sharon’s five-month long boyfriend. A bouquet of roses held in his right hand, a silly smile etched on his face.

“You’re not Sharon.” Harry chuckled. His voice sounded radiant, his green eyes gleamed with amusement.

“You stand correct. She’s in the washroom,”

“Ah, well how are you?” Harry asked, being the gentleman he was taught to be.

“Careful or else I might think these flowers are for me.” You joked dryly.

Truth be told, initially, Harry had his sights set on you, the girl who always lingered beyond time in the library, who would laugh at jokes only once she saw everyone else was laughing around her. This is why he talked to Sharon, to make her help him talk to you but somewhere along the way lines got blurred and Harry got confused. Fatally confused. Confused enough that his lack of decisiveness led him to a relationship he never wanted to be in but nonetheless followed through for he had nothing better to do. And now as you opened the door, a small part of him hoped that the situation in front of him was not because of coincidence but because of will.

“Harry!” A squeal from behind took his focus away. He looked behind to see Sharon, in a tight red dress looking at him with the eyes of a lovesick puppy.

“Got these for you,” Harry said, walking in. He grabbed Sharon by the waist and gave her a kiss.

Harry did not notice when you left, but could only feel you leave. Like a silent wraith gliding from one world to the next.

28th February 2014

10:42 p.m

The music playing was absolutely deafening. The cup in your head seemed like a dead weight. You had a few beers, only to make conversations with all these people less turbulent. The short denim skirt you wore kept on riding up your thighs and the white tube top you wore seemed to stick to your skin. Tara had run off to somewhere with Regina and Sharon was far too immersed in making your drink.

“Don’t add too much vodka Shar,” you tell the girl, turning your focus towards the kitchen island littered with bottles of alcohol and empty cups.

“Of course, of course,” Sharon said, nodding, as she proceeded to empty the bottle of vodka in her hand in the two cups in front of her. “Now for the real question Y/N, coke or straight?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Straight?” You opted for drinking it straight because you found the taste of vodka to be borderline unbearable, so you opted to take it as a shot. To get it over with rather than let the audacious taste linger on.

“Straight it is,” Sharon said, handing you your cup. “Oh, and I honestly don’t know how much I poured. Let my hand loose if you know what I mean.” The girl chuckled. She tucked her blonde hair behind her ears and drank the shot all at once. You did the same, cringing at the taste, feeling as if you were about to puke.

“Water!” Sharon immediately scrambled for a glass of water on seeing your expression. She handed the glass to you, her expression wary.

“All good.” You said as you kept the glass down.

“Hah great! I’m gonna go look for Harry now.”

“Oh yeah, have fun.” You said smiling at her, your speech a bit slurred.

You made your way to the back of the house and sat next to the pool. Your head started to spin, and a newfound sense of numbness settled over your bones. One that you found quite relaxing. You closed your eyes and hummed contently, the loud music and presence of people no longer bothering you as it was before.

“Y/N?” You heard a familiar voice. You opened your eyes and saw Harry walk towards you.

“Hello, Harry!” You said enthusiastically, smiling as wide as you possibly could.

“You seem to be in a nice mood.” Harry chuckled at your behaviour.

“Come, sit next to me.” You gestured towards the space beside you. Harry took you up on your offer, sitting on the lounge chair next to you.

“You know, it took me two hours to straighten my hair. Not that it was difficult, but because I kept on asking myself if I really wanted to come here. Then there was this whole dilemma of not knowing what to wear. I wanted to wear my jeans but Tara said I can’t wear them because she’s wearing them, then I thought I could wear leather pants but Regina said she’s wearing hers so I can’t wear mine, although they don’t even remotely look the same. And what’s so bad about having similar outfits.” You huffed out. Harry looked at you with both surprise and awe because you had never talked more than ten seconds with him.

“Well, I for one think you look absolutely beautiful tonight,” Harry said, looking at you with sincere eyes.

“Really?” You asked him. The doubt in your eyes made Harry want to hug and hold you.

“Really. I don’t think there’s anyone as beautiful as you here Y/N.” Harry said.

He didn’t miss the way your gaze softened, your lips dropping into a small smile. You drew closer to him. He could feel your bare thighs touch his and it was as if his entire being had narrowed down to the parts where your skin touched his. He felt his heart skip a few beats when you kept your head on his shoulder and held his hand in yours.

Oh, how he wished to kiss you at that moment! He had to physically stop his hand from trailing up your neck, all the way to your face. He wanted to touch you, feel your skin and kiss every inch of it, slowly and gently. He wished he could stretch time to its fullest and preserve this moment in a photograph that he could stow away in his pocket.

“Sharon was looking for you. Sorry, I didn’t tell you earlier.” You whispered, half expecting him to get up and leave.

“It’s okay,” Harry replied quietly, his grip on your tightening as he pulled you in closer.

4th March 2014

11:16 p.m

The month of March is a month full of oddities and complexities. It seems to be a kind of cloth wherein the hem was left undone, leaving it to fray in any and every direction. You do not know what to expect until you step outside. The sunshine that seems to be warm from your window is truthfully cold, or the chilling wind blowing outside is actually warm. Needless to say, March is a month with its seam left undone.

And in that undone seam, in a mess of threads and needles is where you found yourself. A new set of feelings dawned on you. Feelings for Harry. You felt your heart skip a few beats every time you looked at him. But there was Sharon, his girlfriend and more importantly your friend. This constant tug of war between what you desire and what is morally incorrect tired you. You tucked away all your worries in the back of your head for tonight, your sole focus being the movie playing in front of you.

You get up from the couch in which you lay to fetch yourself a bag of crisps. While making your way to the kitchen, your doorbell rang. You were expecting no one, especially not at this time. A million scenarios rushed through your head, full of probable outcomes (albeit most of them ended up with you dead on your living room floor). The doorbell rang a second time now. You picked up your ornithology textbooks, two of them together hoping that the sheer width of them combined would help you knock out whoever it was outside.

You open the door, half ready to start swinging like hell when you see Harry. The top buttons of his shirt were left unbuttoned, showing his built chest and muscled arms. His broad shoulders seemed to block out your doorway.

He looked ravishing.

You mentally smacked yourself for thinking in such a way about a boy who happened to be in a relationship, that too with a girl who happened to be your friend. “What are you doing here Harry? Sharon’s apartment is the one on the right.” You said, envisioning that him ringing your doorbell was an honest mistake.

“I know.” He said, smiling at you. He leaned against your doorframe, towering over you. You crossed your arms and looked at him.

Harry did not miss the way you scanned him up and down, how your breath so subtly hitched when you saw his chest. He found the flimsy night suit you wore to be quite cute, if not tempting. A button-up half-sleeved satin shirt with red hearts all over it and a pair of dangerously short shorts to accompany it.

“What’re you watching?” Harry said, walking in and sitting on your sofa. “Rio, huh? Good choice I’d say.” He said, smiling at you, stretching his body.

“Make yourself right at home will ya?” You muttered under your breath. “Why are you here though?” You asked him as you settled down next to him.

“Do you mind my company? Although I don’t think so.”

“Is there something you want from me? If so, just ask me so that we can stop with the small talk bullshit.” You firmly said.

“Yes actually, I do want something,” Harry said turning to look at you.

“Which is?”

“To spend time with you.”

“What?”

“I just told you what I want, kitten,” Harry said. You were grateful for the low lighting in your living room that hid the blush creeping on your face.

“You’re drunk Harry.” You reprimanded him. He only smiled at you, rolling his eyes playfully. “Just a bit tipsy Y/N.”

“Hmm. Okay, what do you want to watch then?” You ask, turning your focus away.

“Rio’s good.” He said.

“Okay.”

You resume the movie and lean back. Harry watched you intently. He noted every moment of yours, the way your chest would rise and freeze when something would happen in the movie, the way your lips would morph into a smile and your eyes fill with wonder.

Harry slowly started to inch towards you, careful not to make too much noise. He tried to be as subtle as he could, stretching and spreading his legs simply to touch yours. He could see you relax as well, your upright posture now dissolving into a lazy spread. Slowly, inch by inch Harry moved towards you as if you were a magnet pulling him in your direction.

He put his arm behind you. His thighs touched yours and from the corner of his eye, he could see you in freeze. He smirked and continued to move closer.

The warmth radiating from Harry was more welcoming than you were willing to admit. A million questions raced through your head, ‘is this right?’, ‘This is wrong,’ ‘he has a girlfriend’ and most importantly, ‘I shouldn’t be feeling this way.’ However, in all reality, you were caught up in the exact same feelings the rational part of your brain was telling you to avoid. But you didn’t care.

So you nestled further in Harry’s embrace, falling into him. You rested your head on his chest, feeling his muscled arm come around and wrap your shoulders. You could feel the sheer strength of his chest, feel every sculpted muscle of his under your head. Your skin felt as if it were on fire, fire that did not burn you but only tingled you. A tingle that you felt erupting in the lower part of your stomach.

You look up to see Harry gazing down at you. “I gather you don’t find the movie interesting.” You said, he only smiled gently at you.

“Talking birds aren’t really my preference.” He said, his voice sounding raspy.

“Oh, I can change it,” you said, getting up but Harry pulled you down, which made you land on top of him. You were now sitting on his lap, your expression that of extreme fluster. “That won’t be necessary,” Harry said. He looked at you with a gaze that threatened to devour you as a whole. He dragged his thumb over your lip slowly.

Your breathing went shallow all of a sudden. The flimsy material of your nightshirt wasn’t thick enough to hide how your nipples hardened under his touch. “What are you doing?” You asked him, your words a mere pant leaving your lips.

“What I dreamt of doing for so long,” Harry said.

He slowly inched his head towards you, his lips inviting you. It suddenly felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room and he was the source of oxygen. The second your lips met with his you could feel your lungs fill with the air you lacked before.

Harry moved his hands up and down your body, feeling you as deeply as he could. Every inch of your skin, from the pads of your fingertips to your chest was on fire. A fire that Harry’s hands ignited in their wake. A fire that seemed to only burn and burn.

You started grinding your hips. Feeling his hard bulge under you. A desperate moan escaped his lips. You started to circle your hips more deeply, pressing your hot and dripping centre against him. You could feel the denim of his pants rub through the flimsy material of your shorts.

You were both a mess of pants and moans. Kissing each other as if the world threatened to end. A moan was about to fall off your lips when the bell rang. You shot up, looking at Harry with wide eyes.

“Shh, it’s okay angel.” He said, cupping your face in his hand.

You got up from his lap, now consciously aware of what had just happened.

“Y/N! Let me in!” Sharon spoke from the other end of the door. Your eyes were wide in alarm as you turned towards Harry. “Bathroom! Go!” You whispered to him, dragging him to your bathroom.

Once Harry was in, you opened the door. “Hi Sharon, what’s got you knocking on my door at this time?”

Sharon only rolled her eyes and walked in. “I don’t know what to wear tomorrow.” She sighed dramatically.

“Why what’s tomorrow?” You ask her.

“Harry’s taking me out.” She said as if you had asked a silly question.

“Oh.”

“I was thinking of wearing my red dress, or maybe the white one y’know the one with pearls and-”

“Sharon, listen I’d love to do this, but just not now.” You said, your voice meek.

“Why're you acting like this?” She asked you, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Like what?” You feigned innocence, already feeling guilty for refusing her.

“Like you have someone here. Do you, though?” She asked you, almost sounding accusatory.

Be calm. Be calm.

“No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, I thought so. Anyways, you go to bed or whatever you were doing.” She said leaving your apartment.

You let out a deep breath and walked towards the washroom. You opened the door and saw Harry, standing behind the shower curtain, his brawny structure making him stick out like a sore thumb.

“You can come out now.” You said.

“Ah thank God, I thought I’d have to stay here the whole night.” He chuckled.

“No, Sharon was just asking what to wear for her date tomorrow. A date that you’re taking her on.” You stated blandly.

“Oh.”

“Oh God, this was never supposed to happen. What have we done?” You said dragging your palms down your face. Before you could say another word Harry hugged you. He hugged you long and tight.

And despite knowing better, you melted in his arms like putty.

28th March 2014

3:27 p.m

You sat in your car, in the parking lot outside the rugby stadium, waiting for Harry. This is what your life has come to now. Waiting outside in parking lots to meet Harry, subtle brushes against each other, locking eyes with each other. Harry did the same, waiting for you outside your classes, entering your apartment at odd times. Your relationship had transgressed from being purely physical to being a more emotional one. You would both simply sit next to each other, talking.

The world didn’t seem so lonely anymore for the two of you.

You look outside to see Harry walk towards you. His hair was wet and he wore a compression shirt that highlighted his muscled build along with loose baggy sweatpants. He smiled looking at you, a smile you had come to know was only reserved for you. He didn’t smile like this with Sharon or with his friends, a part of your heart fluttered at this knowledge.

“Hello, my love,” Harry said, getting in the car.

“Hi. How was practice?” You asked him.

“It was good, tiring as always. How were classes?” Harry asked you while throwing his duffel bag in the back of the car.

“Fine. Sharon wanted me to go out with her, Regina and Tara tonight.” You stated blandly. The sound of Sharon's name brought a lot of unwanted guilt in your head.

“Are you going?” He asked you.

“I don’t know. They don’t talk to me as much when sober, I doubt the outcome’s going to be different when they’re drunk.” You sighed. Your hands fidgeted with the steering wheel of the car. The rings on your hand clacked against it faintly.

“You can always change the people you’re around Y/N,” he said

“But I can’t,”

“But you can.”

“You can, I can’t. Being able to make friends or even just talk to people doesn’t come to me as naturally as it does to you, Harry.” You sighed, becoming frustrated at both the conversation at hand and your lack of social skills.

“It’s okay. I get it.” He said, reaching out to hold your hand.

“Do you, though?” You shot back, scoffing.

“Y/N, come on don’t be like this.” Harry pleaded. His voice was soft and buttery, coaxing you into a better place.

“Yeah, I’m sorry there’s just a lot that’s been on my mind as of late.” You breathed through your nose deeply. Your head felt heavy with all the anxiety you’d been feeling lately.

“You want to talk about it?”

“No, I'm okay. Thank you.” You whispered meekly.

Harry slowly brushed his hand over your cheek and you leaned into his touch, gazing into his eyes as a smile crept up your face. You leaned towards him and kissed him. You cupped his face with your hands and drew him into you. He unbuckled his seat belt quickly and pulled you onto his lap, albeit it was uncomfortable because of the tight place.

You moaned at his touch, capturing his lip between your teeth and tugging at it. Harry was left absolutely breathless by your actions and pulled you down harder, his hands squeezing your hips and waist. You could feel every muscle of his flex because of the thin compression shirt he wore.

“Careful now. Don’t want anyone to see us.” You whispered in his ear.

“What if I do?” Harry said, looking at you with an intense gaze.

Your lower lip jutted out subtly, a subtle reflection of what you thought of his words. “Everyone’s going to call you a cheater and they’ll call me something worse probably.” You chuckled sadly. You gave Harry a sincere kiss on his cheek and made your way for your seat.

“So what’s the plan for tonight? Are you going or not?” He asked you.

“No.” You answered as you started the car.

“Then how about a movie night? Just the two of us.”

“Hm, at my place and I’ll decide what to watch obviously.” You said smiling at him.

“Whatever you say kitten,” Harry said, holding your hand and kissing it.

4th April 2014

10:07 p.m

The black sky above glistened with a million stars, your eyes fixated on them. Harry watched you watching the stars. He smiled to himself. He longed for you in a silent and torturous way. You often felt worlds away from him even when you were right next to him. He blamed his lack of decisiveness for this distance. He knew deep down that the distance between you two would eventually strangle the life out of the relationship you shared. He was desperate for you, pining only for you. His world would stop moving when you’d call him by his name, all his focus narrowing on you.

“It’s breathtaking.” You gasped looking up.

“It truly is,” Harry said, looking at you.

You were sceptical at first when Harry said he knew a spot. After a drive of half an hour, you found yourself at the peak of a small hill, untouched by civilisation except for a small concrete bench. It not only overlooked the whole city but also had a magnificent view of the sky above. The stars weren’t so explicitly visible in the city as they were here.

The cool air blew against your cheeks, kissing your face gently.

“Come, sit with me,” Harry said, calling to you. You walk towards him and sit next to him on the bench.

You sigh through your nose and look ahead. “I think about it sometimes, what our first date would look like.” You said. Your voice sounded mournful as if you were grieving the loss of a relationship that never existed.

“I’d get you flowers, maybe even chocolates if you’re lucky that day,” Harry said. He looked at you and saw how glazed your eyes were.

“But it doesn’t matter. You’re with Sharon, who hates me. And you know what’s even more pathetic, it’s the fact that she hates me yet she’s my friend.” You spoke, your voice wobbly and cracking. You often felt like a washing machine. Everyone would come and go and leave a piece behind in it. Sometimes the piece would break you, unable to function for months or sometimes it would simply stay there. That was worse, having a piece of someone stay forever even as the washing machine in your heart desperately tried to cleanse you of it. “It’s just the hand I was dealt with.” You quickly added.

“Why don’t you say something to them? You don’t deserve to be walked over all like that. You can’t let that happen to you.” Harry said.

“The same way you’re walking all over me now?” You chuckled darkly.

“What?”

“What are we, Harry? Are we just fucking? Are we just friends? What are we?” You ask the question that had been looming over the both of you like an axe that could drop any moment.

“I wish I could answer that,” Harry said, his head in his hands now.

“What have I done?” You whispered to yourself.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this Y/N. I swear.” Harry pleaded, holding your hands in his.

“Why did you kiss me that day?” You asked him, tears now falling from your eyes.

“Because it’s always been you. You, who I wanted all along.” He confessed.

The silence after his confession was all consuming, threatening to eat him up alive. Harry caught a glimpse of you, staring straight at the skyline. Silent tears fell from your eyes. He wanted to reach out and rub away your tears but refrained from doing so. The world seemed to close up on him. He missed the way it opened up with you.

“Y/N, angel? Say something.” Harry said with a soft voice. “Please.” He begged.

You turned to look at him. Harry looked devastating. A handsome prince you dreamt of as a kid. He was a prince, but not yours to claim rather only to keep for a fleeting moment. You brought a hand to his face and smiled sorrowfully at him.

“I suppose this is how things were supposed to be all along.” You whispered resignation etched in your voice.

“Y/N,” Harry whispered, knowing the direction you were steering things in all too well.

“You have Sharon, Harry. Go to her.” You said.

Both of you sat there, time stretching painfully as if the universe was mocking your agony. Your eyes met one last time, a gaze full of regret and all things left unsaid. You leaned in, capturing Harry’s lips in your own for the last time. The kiss was hesitant at first, both of you afraid as if pressing too hard would shatter the fragile moment between you two. It was a kiss full of the things you couldn’t say, the dreams you had for one another, the conversations you shared.

And for Harry, as he kissed you a part of him mourned the confession that would never find its way to you. A three worded sentence, one that would change his life and yours.

I love you.

3rd May, 2014

1:17 p.m

“It’s amazing, how she’s just disappeared all of a sudden,” Sharon said, twirling her hair.

“Wait, who disappeared?” Harry asked her.

“Y/N.”

Harry and Sharon sat next to each other in her apartment. The wound you left in Harry’s heart was one he was doubtful would close. He dreamt of you, thought of you and longed for you. But he knew his thoughts would not materialise and you would only remain a figment of his past, a memorial of the right person wrong time concept.

“What do you mean?” He pressed the girl further.

“Ugh, I wasn’t supposed to tell this to anyone but I can’t keep it in me anymore. She’s leaving for Rio tomorrow, she’s got an internship at some sanctuary. I think the Sun would do her some good actually.” Sharon chuckled.

“Oh.” He felt his world was spinning.

“She's yet to give me my sweater. She’s actually supposed to give it today.”

Perhaps if it were fate, perhaps it was circumstance but whatever it was, Harry was thankful for it when the bell rang. “Don’t worry I’ll get it. You stay here.” He said and kissed Sharon’s head. He hoped it was you on the other side of the door.

And his prayers were answered.

There you were, standing in the doorway with a sweater in your hand. Your eyes widened slightly at Harry’s enormous yet so familiar frame, and his face, the same face that swept you off your feet now made you wary.

“You’re going to Rio?” Harry asked you.

“Yes. It’s an internship.” You curtly answered. You tried to walk in but Harry blocked your way, his muscled arm blocking your way.

“For how long?” He asked, cornering you as if you were prey and he a predator.

“Five years. They’ll start paying me after three months, so it’s more like a job I guess.” You said.

“And when were you going to tell me about it?” He asked you, his face stern and stoic.

“It’s not like we were dating.” You harshly said.

Harry hated this. This newfound sense of coldness between the two of you. He wondered how something so warm became so cold this quickly. The cold you left behind was one that could not be thawed, Harry would only have to live it.

“I love you Y/N,” Harry confessed. He didn’t miss the way your eyes softened, even if only for a moment.

“Lie to me again. I dare you.” You asserted, walking up to him. Your eyes were dark, distant and cold. Like a cold desert that never seemed to end.

“I’m not lying. I love you. I always have and always will.”

“I’d rather you not.”

—————-

A/N: Let me know how you like it in the comments and reblogs! I love talking to you all, send me asks and whatever you feel like! Thank you so much for reading!

[delicateperspective]

Lyrical Analysis of "Sattelite"

If we analyze Satellite within the context of Harry’s House (played in reverse order), it follows a clear emotional progression:

In Love of My Life, Harry reflects on a relationship that was incredibly significant to him. He lost it, but has now found it again, signaling a reconciliation.*

In Boyfriends, he admits that despite their deep love, the relationship isn’t perfect—they’ve both made mistakes, but they always find their way back to each other.

Now, in Satellite, Harry explores the feeling of waiting. He’s finally ready to fully choose this person, but they aren’t quite ready to choose him—at least not publicly, not completely.

This song captures the frustration of being in love with someone who loves you back but is unable to fully commit because of external circumstances. It’s not unrequited love—it’s love that is being held back.

Lyric Breakdown and Analysis

You got a new life Am I bothering you? Do you wanna talk?

This immediately sets up a distance between them. Louis is on his first solo tour, stepping into a new chapter of his career. Harry wonders if he still has a place in Louis' life, if reaching out is even welcome. There’s hesitation here, like Harry is unsure if Louis even wants to have this conversation.

We share the last line

Many fans assume this refers to cocaine, but in this context, it’ could be referencing either One Direction, where they literally shared the last lines of their songs (such as when Harry closes Over Again with "all over" and Louis used to add "again") or Louis’ album, Faith in the Future, which he was actively recording at the time. (Some believe Harry’s voice can be heard as the backing vocals on the last line of That’s the Way Love Goes. Louis brought attention to this specific part during a fan chat on Twitter where he mentioned loving "the strings at the end".)

Then we drink the wall 'Til we wanna talk

They avoid the conversation. They numb themselves. They wait until they can’t ignore it anymore. This could hint at coping mechanisms—drinking, distractions, public relationships, anything to avoid the pain of not being together.

I go round and round Satellite

Harry is the satellite. He’s orbiting Louis, always close, but never fully reaching him. This is exactly what happened after November 2011—they were still together, still seeing each other, but never able to exist in the same way they did before.

Spinning out, waiting for you to pull me in I can see you're lonely down there Don't you know that I am right here?

He’s feeling lost, waiting, wanting Louis to finally choose him publicly. A satellite can’t pull itself in—it needs gravity, it needs the planet (Louis) to bring it closer. He knows Louis isn’t happy either. Louis might be the one who is physically distant, but Harry sees right through him. This is heartbreaking—Harry is saying, "I’ve never left. I’m still waiting."

I'm in an LA mood I don't wanna talk to you She said, 'Give me a day or two.'

He was filming Don’t Worry Darling in LA, but LA is also a symbol for fakery and PR relationships. Maybe he’s frustrated, maybe he’s tired of waiting. "She said, 'Give me a day or two.'" could be about his PR girlfriend at the time, OW. It could symbolize the artificiality of that relationship—like she needs Harry’s time, but only for the sake of PR. It also contrasts Louis, who Harry is actually waiting for.

Right here, right here Wishing I could be there for you

This is Harry’s core message in the song. He’s always been there, but he’s never been allowed to fully be there for Louis the way he wants to be. He’s waiting, but how long can he wait?

Analysis of the Satellite Music Video

The Satellite music video is essential to fully understanding the song’s meaning. While the lyrics alone convey a sense of longing and waiting, the video amplifies these emotions through the story of Stomper, a small, abandoned robot whose journey mirrors Harry’s feelings of isolation, patience, and the fear of never truly reaching the one he loves. When analyzed alongside the historical context of 2011, the significance of the Curiosity rover, and the heartbreaking ending of Stomper’s journey, it becomes clear that this video is not just a visual accompaniment—it is a metaphorical retelling of Harry’s experience of orbiting Louis for over a decade, waiting for the day they can finally be together.

The Opening Scene: A Calculated Choice

At the beginning of the music video, we see Harry backstage at his concert in pajamas when a staffer greets him. This seemingly mundane interaction is important because it establishes Harry’s normal routine—his life is moving forward, his career is thriving—but something is missing. Then, the camera shifts focus to Stomper, the small robot, appearing for the first time. At this exact moment, a TV screen in the background broadcasts the launch of the Curiosity rover from the Kennedy Space Center on November 26, 2011.

We hear a documentary narrator say: "Launched on November 26th, 2011 from the Kennedy Space Center, Curiosity was born on Mars. It has spent over ten lonely years roaming the surface of the red planet."

The choice to feature Curiosity, a rover rather than a satellite, is significant. If the song is about a satellite, why focus on a rover?

The answer lies in the date: November 2011.

November 2011 was a turning point in Harry and Louis’ relationship.

Before this, they were inseparable, openly affectionate, and constantly together.

But in October 2011, Eleanor Calder was introduced as Louis’ public girlfriend.

In November 2011, One Direction signed their U.S. deal with Columbia Records, marking their official expansion into the American market—a market that was notoriously less accepting of openly gay relationships, especially in boybands.

From this moment on, Harry and Louis’ interactions became more distant, more controlled, and more hidden.

The Curiosity rover’s launch in November 2011 is a direct parallel to Harry and Louis’ forced separation. Just as Curiosity was "born" on Mars, isolated and alone, Harry and Louis entered a new phase of their careers where they could no longer be publicly close. Curiosity has spent over 10 years roaming a planet it can never leave—just as Harry has spent over a decade orbiting Louis. This is why the Curiosity rover is the perfect metaphor for Harry’s experience.

Stomper the Robot

Stomper, the small cleaning robot in the video, is an extension of the Curiosity rover metaphor. Like Curiosity, he longs for connection, but he is stuck in a cycle of waiting, watching, and hoping.

Stomper starts off ignored, unnoticed, insignificant—this is a parallel to the main character in the Adore You music video. Both do not see their lives as worth anything and are quite miserable - until they meet that someone/something special. For Harry, I firmly beleive this was Louis, who showed him he was important and worthy of love.

As soon as he sees the Curiosity rover on TV, he feels a connection—just as Harry might have felt when seeing Louis. We know they were immediate friends. So much so that people have debated if they met before boot camp.

Stomper then breaks free from his routine and starts pursuing something greater, something he longs for. This moment in the video directly parallels Harry’s own journey—this deep connection is found and then they were both off on a life-changing journey and pursuing their dreams.

Stomper’s journey mirrors Harry’s decade-long orbit around Louis, always waiting, never fully reaching him. Inside the concert venue Stomper watches fans, longing for connection. Even through crossing the rainy streets, highways, and landscapes Stomper is determined to find Curiosity, no matter the obstacles. When he takes a moment to stare into his own reflection in a puddle it is a moment of self-doubt. He sees himself as small, insignificant—just as Harry may have felt at times throughout their journey.

The deeper meaning here is clear: Harry is searching for something he fears he may never find—Louis’ full, public commitment.

The most heartbreaking moment of the video is when Stomper finally arrives at the Kennedy Space Center—so close to Curiosity, so close to the thing he has been chasing the whole time—but his battery dies before he can reach it. This moment is devastating because it reflects Harry’s fear that he will never get to be with Louis the way he wants. He has waited for over a decade. He has watched from a distance, orbiting, hoping. But what if he waits forever and it never happens?

Stomper’s battery dying is symbolic of time running out, of patience being exhausted, of the fear that all of this waiting will be for nothing. As Stomper shuts down, alone, just inches away from Curiosity, the video leaves us with an open-ended question: What if Harry never makes it to Louis?

Why the Music Video is Imperative to Understanding Satellite

Without the video, Satellite can be interpreted as just a song about waiting for someone to be ready. But with the video, it becomes a deeply emotional and symbolic story of isolation, endless devotion, and the fear of waiting forever.

The Curiosity rover metaphor directly connects to 2011—the moment their relationship changed and they were forced into distance.

The opening quote highlights the theme of observing from a distance, just as Harry has had to do in his relationship.

Stomper’s journey represents Harry’s decade-long orbit around Louis, always waiting, never fully reaching him.

Stomper’s battery dying before he reaches his goal is Harry’s biggest fear—that he will spend his whole life waiting, only to never truly be with Louis.

The Satellite video is not just a visual accompaniment—it is the key to understanding the pain, devotion, and longing that define the song. It shows that love isn’t always about being together—it’s about the willingness to wait, even when you don’t know if the waiting will ever end.

The Larry of It All

When you piece together the lyrical content of Satellite, the music video’s symbolism, and the historical context of November 2011, it becomes increasingly clear that this song cannot be about anyone other than Louis Tomlinson. While Harry’s public relationships have often been used as a way to attribute meaning to his songs, Satellite does not align with any of the narratives surrounding his ex-girlfriends. Instead, it directly ties back to his decade-long connection to Louis, their forced separation, and the way Harry has continued to “orbit” around him ever since.

The lyric “We share the last line” is one of the most telling clues. If Harry’s vocals really can be heard on the last line of Louis’ song That’s the Way Love Goes, then this lyric is not just poetic—it is literal. This would mean that even after years of distance, Harry and Louis are still collaborating in quiet ways, still leaving traces of each other in their work. No other ex of Harry’s has this kind of musical connection to him. His relationships with women like Taylor Swift and Olivia Wilde were highly publicized, but neither involved the kind of hidden, intertwined songwriting that we see with Louis.

Then there’s the November 2011 connection, which is impossible to ignore. The Satellite music video opens with the launch of the Curiosity rover, explicitly pointing to that time period—the exact moment when Harry and Louis’ relationship changed forever. Before November 2011, they were inseparable, openly affectionate, and constantly together. But as One Direction’s career exploded and their U.S. deal with Columbia Records was finalized, they were forced into distance. Louis was given a public girlfriend, and their interactions became noticeably restricted. The rover metaphor fits perfectly with their story: Curiosity has spent over a decade roaming Mars, just as Harry has spent over a decade “orbiting” Louis, never quite able to reach him again in the way he once could.

This simply does not align with any of Harry’s public exes. His relationship with Taylor Swift lasted only a few months and did not involve years of waiting. His relationship with Camille Rowe ended on his own terms, and he has never given any indication that he was left in a position of longing. His connection with Olivia Wilde was highly visible and did not involve the kind of secrecy and forced separation that Satellite suggests. None of these relationships match the depth of history, restriction, and quiet devotion that the song conveys.

Ultimately, Satellite is not about a fleeting romance or an ex-girlfriend Harry willingly moved on from. It is about someone he has been tied to for over a decade, someone he has never been able to fully let go of, someone he has continued to orbit around despite the distance. The only person who fits that description is Louis Tomlinson.

Final Thoughts

This song isn’t about unrequited love; it’s about love that is held back. It’s about years of restriction, of external forces preventing them from fully being together. The music video reinforces this theme, using the Curiosity rover’s launch in November 2011 as a parallel to the moment Harry and Louis were forced into distance. The satellite metaphor perfectly captures Harry’s role in this dynamic—always orbiting, always near, but never quite able to land where he truly wants to be.

The fear that Stomper’s battery dying represents is one of running out of time. What if he waits forever, only to never truly reach the person he loves? This is why Satellite is so devastating—it’s not just about longing, it’s about the uncertainty of waiting.

Ultimately, Satellite is a song about enduring love, about waiting for the person you can’t let go of, even when you don’t know if they’ll ever fully come back to you. In the context of Harry’s House in reverse, it’s the moment of waiting that bridges the gap between pain and reunion. It’s about hope, but also about the fear that hope might not be enough.

[harry]

[harrysdimples]

The Making of Harry’s House - A Timeline (Fine Line Version)

[harrysgirlieforlife]

Harry's House era 🏠🤎🎺

[narrycherries]

call it what you want✨prt2

the kissing may be over, but you can’t seem to let the idea of it happening again go..

masterlist // part 1

word count: 6.2k

warnings/tags: harry x reader, friends to lovers trope, fluff, smut implied/mentioned

As the bedroom door opened, you stretched your arms above your head and yawned. Harry smiled as he noticed how sleepy you looked. He had been cleaning up after dinner, which consisted of takeout food and a movie on the couch. When the movie ended, you told him you were tired and decided to come to bed. You knew he wouldn’t be long. Even if he wasn’t sleepy, he was going to lay down with you.

“Hi.” You mumbled while your legs slipped under the blankets.

“Hi, peach.”

He sat his phone down on his nightstand and watched as you laid down on the bed, yanking the covers up to your chin and nuzzling your head into his pillow - the one he normally sleeps on.. He wasn’t going to make you move, you knew that.

“That medicine must be making you drowsy, hm?”

You nodded. “So sleepy.”

He chuckled lightly and leaned down, his hand pressing into the mattress. “Give me ten minutes.. I’ll be back.”

Your stomach dropped as his lips pressed against your forehead. It wasn’t anything new, he did that a lot, but after what happened earlier between you two.. it felt different.

“Okay.”

“Do you need anything? Water?”

You shook your head, smiling gently as your eyes met his. “M’okay.”

He wasn’t sure if you were just being nice so that he didn’t have to take the time to get what you needed or wanted. You had spent all day complaining about your leg and acting like you were unable to do a thing - and of course he took care of you. He knew sometimes you got upset with yourself for how you allowed him to cater to you, so he assumed you were doing that now.

“Promise.” You whispered after a long moment of him just staring at you.

“Alright.” He finally said. “I’ll be back in a few.”

Just as he promised, he was only gone a handful of minutes. While you waited for him, you laid there with your eyes closed. You weren’t intending to fall asleep just yet, but you were lost in your thoughts. Harry didn’t bring up the whole kissing thing at any point after it ended earlier - but it was constantly on your mind. Your heart fluttered as you replayed the nearly ten extra minutes of kissing that occurred after he assured you everything would be okay. It wasn’t too extreme - gentle touches and soft laughs - but it meant the world to you. Despite what he told you, it was important that you reminded yourself that just because he kissed you, doesn’t mean he’s wanting anything serious. He implied that he would do it again, whenever you wanted - and that’s all. Or well, that’s how you took it.

Your eyes opened as you heard him come into the room. You looked towards his dresser, knowing he would be finding some pajama pants to put on. And there he was, his back was damp as water droplets still lingered on his skin. You bit down on your cheek while you watched him get into a pair of pants. It wasn’t unusual for him to be in his underwear around you, but like always he was facing away from you so he wasn’t forcing you to look at his crotch. You noticed that his hair wasn’t wet, so you figured he didn’t want to have to deal with drying it. Well, he didn’t want to waste time.. he had promised you he’d only be gone for a few minutes.

“You didn’t have to come to bed so early.” You said in a soft voice as he walked to the other side of the bed.

He flicked the lamp on, then went across the room to turn off the light. “Tired of me?” He teased with a smirk.

Your eyes rolled as he took his phone from the nightstand beside you and walked around the bed. He put it on the charger as he sat down. You felt the dip in the bed, a reminder that he was going to be next to you soon. You couldn’t help but to watch the muscles in his back shift and contort as he moved his arms, messing with his phone and the half full bottle of water on his nightstand.

“M’cold, Harry.”

He smiled to himself. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”

You let out a sigh of relief as he laid his phone down and finally got beneath the covers. He moved next to you, chuckling as you quickly turned onto your side facing him. He got close, but kept a distance like always. It wasn’t much, but it existed.

“God, you’re like a heater.” You said through a heavy exhale as you felt his warmth engulf you. Even though he wasn’t directly against you or touching you, his skin radiated off so much heat.

“You’re practically shaking, peach.”

“I’ll get warm soon.. doesn’t take long.”

He hummed lightly as he stuck his arm under his pillow. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

You gave him a smile. “I will.”

He went quiet for a little bit, but he was still paying attention to you. Your eyes were closed and you were trying to fall asleep, but you were still cold. Harry sighed and reached over to rest his hand on your waist. You smiled softly as you felt his warm skin.

“Lovey, do you want me a bit closer? You’re freezing.”

“Just a little, yeah.” You whispered back, your eyes still closed.

Harry moved over, his body just an inch shy of being against yours. This was normal for you, but after what happened earlier, everything felt so intense.

“Goodnight, peach.”

You curled your arms against your chest, and they were pressed against his due to your closeness. “G’night, Harry.”

——

While you slept, your mind was racing around with thoughts about Harry. You couldn’t help but think about the memories you had made with him. You even dreamed about the time he went bowling with you and your family two years ago.

You hated bowling more than anything. You weren’t good at it and you always had to beg your dad to ask the workers to put the rails up for you, even at 20 years old. Harry was teasing you about the rails, as was your brother, and you were very annoyed. Harry usually chose to be a little mean to you when he was around Austin. He never did anything that actually hurt your feelings, though.

“How are you missing so many pins with the damn rails?” Austin said with a laugh as you walked back to the bench and plopped down next to your mom.

“Family bowling night should’ve stopped when I turned eighteen.”

“Don’t be such a sore player, sweetheart.” She said, nudging you with her elbow.

“It’s tradition.” Harry said with a chuckle as he grabbed a ball and walked towards the lane.

“Everyone’s good at it but me.” You huffed while watching him roll a perfect strike.

“You’re such a cry baby.”

“Austin, act your age.” Your dad said with a stern look as he approached you, he went to grab a drink.

“Dad.. can you go for me?”

“No. You’re gonna play like the rest of us.” He shook his head and took his ball since it was his turn.

Harry sat down beside you, his hand hitting the side of your thigh to get your attention. “Why are you so upset?”

You huffed. “M’not.”

“You definitely are.”

“Harry, leave me alone.”

Austin overheard you, and he took the chance to mess with you. “She’s just a sore loser. She gets so mad when she loses.”

“No, I’m not!” You whined like a child. “I hate this game, it’s not fun. I don’t care about winning.”

“Austin.” Your mom gave him a sigh as she got up to play her turn.

“It’s the truth.”

“No it isn’t.” You crossed your arms over your chest and exhaled slowly.

Austin was up next, which meant he was distracted and not bothering you. Harry leaned closer to you, his shoulder against yours.

“Don’t get worked up over this. You’ll get upset.”

You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Do you want me to show you-“

“No, Harry, I don’t.” You turned your head to look at him. You were irritated and he could tell. “I don’t care about bowling.”

He gave you a subtle frown. “Just try to have fun, okay?”

“This isn’t fun to me.”

He sighed as your mom called for you to take your turn. “Just try.”

You got up, not excited at all, and grabbed a random ball. You carelessly lined up with the pins and rolled the bowl down the lane. Of course, it curved to the left and rolled against the railing until it got to the end and only knocked over two pins. Austin was laughing while your dad was telling him to behave. Your mom was shaking her head in disbelief at your lack of effort. And Harry, well, he sighed and walked up behind you. He grabbed your elbow, stopping you from throwing the ball.

“Look, move over just a bit.” He tapped your waist on the right side and you did as he said, despite not wanting to.

“Look at the pins.. find the center of them.” He said as he pointed so that you could see where his finger lined up.

“Harry, I don’t-“

“Shhh.” He lowered his hand and touched your elbow. “Bring your arm back.”

You followed his instructions, moving your arm back as his hand stayed on your elbow. “This isn’t gonna work.”

“Just move your arm fast and drop the ball. Lean just a little.” His voice lowered. “Don’t overthink it, lovey.”

Harry stepped back to give you some space. You did as he told you to and watched the ball roll down the lane. You huffed, tears threatening to spill down your cheeks as you watched the ball curve away from the pins and miss every one of them.

“I’m fucking done.” You mumbled to yourself, but he heard you.

You walked to the bench and quickly got rid of the bowling shoes. Your mother was asking you to stay and have fun, while your dad was trying to console you. Harry just watched as you put your shoes on and grabbed your purse. You headed towards the arcade, the idea of bowling any longer was about to make you vomit. You were so anxious and overwhelmed, you just needed time alone.

When you entered the arcade area, you pushed out a sigh of relief and headed to the claw machine. You were decently good at lining up the claw with a prize, so you were glad to be doing something you actually enjoyed. You swiped the arcade game card and rolled in your lips as you started moving the claw. You didn’t know what was going on by the bowling lane, and you didn’t care - but Harry was telling your Mom how you were probably just overwhelmed from all the unwanted attention. Your family finished out the game, Harry rolled for you. And once that game was over, they started a new one without adding your name. You wouldn’t have cared if you knew. The only reason you were here was because this was something your parents wanted to do every six months - and they had been doing it since you were eight. In all these years, you’ve never learned how to bowl right.

You were incredibly tense and annoyed as you stared at the empty claw lifting up. There was no way you were going to suck at this, too. This is your thing, your favorite game to do anywhere. You huffed, but tried again. When you failed, you threw your head back and groaned. The desire to scream your lungs out was there, but you remembered you were in public and had to at least act like you had some composure.

The thing you weren’t aware of as you started a new round on the machine was that Harry had opted out of the game to go grab something to eat. However, he actually wasn’t hungry. His intentions were to find you and talk to you, maybe calm you down or make you smile. He walked into the arcade, his hands in his pockets as he looked around, while trying to find the back of your head in the crowd of people, mostly kids running around. He looked towards the claw machines and saw you. He smiled gently as you balled up your fists and let your head fall back again. You didn’t notice anyone coming up behind you, so when he appeared at your side and lifted his arm to rest it against the edge of the machine, you jumped.

“Harry.” You huffed lightly. “Why aren’t you playing?”

He shrugged. “I figured I could.. come see what you were up to.”

“Clearly sucking at everything.” You said, gesturing to the empty claw coming up from the sea of prizes.

His deep chuckle made your heart skip a beat, but you knew it wasn’t him making fun of you. Now, if it had been Austin here instead of Harry, then you’d be getting practically bullied.

“I think you’re just stressed, hm? You’re good at these.” He nodded towards the machine.

“Guess I have bad luck or something.” You let out a deep breath, you had a funny feeling in your stomach and you weren’t sure what was going on.

Harry stayed quiet and watched as you did another round of the game. He saw that you were going after a purple stuffed dog that was sort of stuck in between two other stuffed animals. His eyes moved to watch your face after the claw grabbed the dog, but left it in its spot.

“Do you want me to try?” He asked, taking a step closer to you and the control panel.

“Sure.” You mumbled back, moving over to let him take your spot. “If you get it.. I’m gonna scream.”

Harry laughed a little and shook his head. “No need to scream.”

You watched closely as he began to move the claw to the spot you had been going to this entire time. He peeked around the side of the machine, lining up the claw perfectly with the dog. He dropped the claw, but to your actual surprise, he didn’t get it.

“Maybe it’s the stupid dog.” You groaned, leaning close to him so you could swipe your game card.

“Want to try for something else?” He asked, despite knowing you really wanted that purple dog. He could just tell by how intense you were staring at it and how upset you were that you kept missing it.

You looked around at the other prizes, but nothing piqued your interests. Without hesitating, you looked up at him and caught his stare. He gave you a smile and lifted his brows, silently waiting for your answer. Your lips turned to a slight frown and you shook your head.

“I really want it.” You said almost in a whisper. “It’s super cute.”

That’s all he needed to hear. He started the next round and focused strictly on getting that damn purple dog for you. You were standing next to him, your body brushing his as you stared at the claw while he moved it. You felt a bit of hope as he dropped the claw and it grabbed the dog. It shocked you when the dog lifted from its spot. However, the joy didn’t last long. The claw was shaking and the dog was hardly hanging on. It fell before Harry could get it to move any closer to the prize drop.

“Are you serious?” You muttered, sadness spreading over your face.

Harry noticed your mood instantly and he gently touched the small of your back. “Hey, let’s keep trying, yeah?”

You nodded gently, biting your cheek as his hand fell down. You wanted it to stay there forever. The mission of getting the dog came back to your focus and you watched Harry. He was determined to win you the stuffed animal, no matter how long it took him. He was already considering buying another game card. But for now, he focused on the task at hand and tried his absolute best. Harry hated seeing you so upset. And it might be childish to some people, but he could tell you really wanted that dog. You had a mild obsession with cute things, especially stuffed animals. He wanted you to have it, no matter what it took.

“This might be it.” He said with hope as he dropped the claw and it grabbed onto the dog.

You gasped, your hands quickly wrapped around Harry’s elbow as you watched the dog move closer and closer to the hole. You squealed as he pressed the button and the dog dropped. He just stood there smiling, his eyes on you. Your mood had completely changed and you had your usual spark and joy back. You let him go to grab the dog from behind the small door.

“Oh my god!” You happily said, squeezing your hand tight around the stuffed animal.

Harry was chuckling, amused by your reaction and quite glad that it didn’t take forever to win the dog. Not that he wouldn’t have tried forever, but because he knew waiting any longer was going to kill you.

“Harry!” You realized the amazing deed he had done for you. Your arms flew around his neck and he automatically wrapped his around your body in return. He felt the dog hitting the back of his head as you jumped in his arms. “Thank you! You’re the best!”

“You’re welcome, lovey.” He said next to your ear.

When your celebratory hug was over, Harry insisted that you go sit with him for a bit so he could talk to you. Even though you knew what was coming, you agreed to it and followed him towards the front lobby of the building that separated the arcade and bowling lanes.

He sat down on a bench by the window and you sat right next to him, of course. He smiled as he watched you sit the dog on your lap, fixing its leg so that it was perfect. After a couple of silent moments, Harry nudged your shoulder with his. You did it back, realizing how close you were to him.

“Tell me what’s going on? You’re never this.. irritated.” He said with a gentle sigh, wishing it was easier to get answers out of you sometimes. You were a bit stubborn.

You shrugged, doing what he knew you’d do. “I dunno.”

“You know.” He said as he rested his hands on his lap and kept his head turned towards you.

You could feel his stare on the side of your face, but you kept your eyes down to the floor and fiddled with the dog’s ears to keep your hands occupied. He sat there, thinking about the things that could cause you to be this way, but he was coming up short. Even though your brother was constantly annoying you, it was nothing really new to you. So he assumed that wasn’t it. Your parents weren’t doing anything specific, so they weren't to blame.

“Are you.. upset.. because of tomorrow? How.. I had to change our plans?” He asked, slightly nervous to hear your answer.

You were supposed to have lunch with him because he’s been so busy with his classes lately, you haven’t had the chance to spend time alone with him. Sure, you’ve seen him a lot.. but your group of friends were always there. It was larger gatherings planned by other people, not little fun plans that you liked to make with him. He forgot he had already promised the guys of the group that he’d be over to watch a game with them. None of the other girls were going, so you didn’t want to intrude.

“I mean.. I wish we were doing that.. instead of.. bowling.” You finally spoke back, the corner of your mouth lifting just slightly as you thought about it.

“I know you were looking forward to tomorrow.. and I’m sorry. I really am. But.. we were supposed to have fun tonight, remember? You’re sad.. and I don’t like that.”

Your heart skipped a beat as Harry reached over and took your hand off of the dog. He laced his fingers with yours and gave you a comforting squeeze. This was nothing new, but each time it occurred your stomach would erupt with butterflies and your mind would go dizzy. It was just a friendly gesture, you had to remind yourself..

“I don’t like it when you’re sad, sweetheart.”

“I know.” You whined back, moving your other hand so that it was resting on his wrist. “This is all so stupid. I… I didn’t want.. you to come.”

Harry gulped quietly, a worry filling his stomach as he watched you. Your eyes were staring at your joined hands, and your mind was trying so hard to keep up with the conversation and not drift off to places it didn’t need to be.

“I’m sorry. By.. by the way your mom told me.. I.. thought you wanted me to.”

You huffed, immediately turning to look at him. Your eyes were watering and he felt his heart sink. Why were you upset? He was so confused. He licked his lips and leaned a little closer to you. Before he could say anything else, you spoke.

“It’s not that I don’t want you here.. I knew I’d suck at this stupid game.. and it’s em-embarrassing.”

“Lovey-“

“I don’t wanna look stupid. That’s why I.. I n-never go bowling when everyone wants to go.. but m’forced to do this.. and I didn’t want you-you to see me.. be such a loser.” Your voice was so soft and broken, and he hated that so much.

“Hey, hey.” He let go of your hand so he could turn to face you. A whimper left your mouth as you felt his skin rip away from yours. He quickly mended that by putting his big hand on your jaw, his thumb rubbing across your cheek. “Don’t cry over this.”

“I can’t help it!” Tears began slipping down your cheeks.

Harry shook his head as he shushed you, trying his hardest to calm you down. “It’s okay to not be good at everything, darling. You’re supposed to be having fun, yeah? It’s just a game.”

Your eyes widened a little as a new pet name slipped past his lips. He said it so easily that it felt so natural to hear it. You shook your head and coiled your hand around his wrist. He didn’t allow you to pull his hand down, he wasn’t done consoling you yet.

“Don’t you remember all those board game nights when you completely dominated? You’re a pro at those. You beat me in every board game we’ve ever done. It’s alright to not be good at something.. especially when you’re great at so many other things.”

“I’m.. embarrassed.”

“I know, i know. But you don’t have to be. I would never make fun of you or make you feel useless. You know I care about you. I’d never want to hurt your feelings.” Harry used his other hand to sweep your hair out of your face and over your shoulder.

“We.. we hardly get to hang out.. and I.. I didn’t wanna be.. picked on and embarrassed during the only time I see you.” Your words broke his heart.

He never wanted you to feel like you were alone or abandoned, but to him it seemed that’s what he’s done to you. Sure, his classes were getting more difficult and he needed to study more, but he could do that while you were over. You always fall asleep on his comfy couch, he could just use that time to study or do assignments.. He was making excuses for himself and he was neglecting you in the process. You weren’t as close to anyone else in the group as you were to him, and he knew that. He knew you needed him.. and he definitely needed you.

“You know what.. We will be having lunch tomorrow. You can come over after and we’ll watch a movie or something.” He said with a smile.

You frowned. “Harry, the guys-“

He shook his head. “I don’t care. I promised you.. I didn’t promise them.”

You took a second to think about this, but then you grunted. “But they had those plans made.”

Harry leaned his face closer to yours, his pretty eyes locked on yours. “But I didn’t promise them.. I promised you.”

——

A small whimper left your mouth as you began to wake up. You could feel Harry’s arm draped over your body, his hand tucked against your stomach. The sun was peeking in through the blinds, lighting up his room and making your eyes sensitive as you slowly opened them. He wasn’t snoring or grunting like he did whenever he slept, so you assumed he was awake or just dozing off.

You shifted slightly, your leg was beginning to ache. He realized you were awake when you started slowly rubbing your index finger against his hand. He gave you a little squeeze.

“Been wonderin’ when you’d wake up.” He mumbled behind you, his voice deep as it rolled through the quiet space.

“What time s’it?” You muttered back, too lazy to move over and grab your phone.

“About ten.”

Harry slid his hand to your waist and gave you a gentle pat before rolling onto his back, his arm falling from your body completely. You resisted the huff you wanted to blow out. You had to remind yourself, like always, he’s just your friend. He had no obligation to touch you or hold you or anything. Just your friend..

“Wan’ me to make breakfast?” He asked through a yawn, his arms stretching above his head as he sat up on the side of the bed.

“Please.” You moved onto your back and turned your head on the comfy pillow to watch him.

“What do you want?” He sat there for a few minutes, checking his phone as he waited for you to answer him.

“Eggs.. do you have any pancake mix?” You watched his skin move over his muscles as his arm moved to lay his phone on the nightstand.

He stood up, turning to face you. “Sure do. I got some blueberries in the fridge.. want some of those in them?”

You grinned. “Yes! Duh!”

He always bought blueberries because he knows you love them, whether they’re tossed in muffin mix or pancake batter or eating straight from the container. “I’ll get to that. That all?”

“Mhm.” You gave him a sweet smile. “You’re the best.”

“I know.” His eye dropped to a wink, making you flush a bit.

He walked to the door, you watched him get further and further away. You wished he could have stayed a bit longer next to you, but there was no telling how long he’d been awake. He said he was waiting on you, so you felt sorta bad at the thought of making him stay in the bed even longer. He was a morning person, you weren’t.

Harry stopped in the doorway and turned your way. “How’s your leg?” His brows dropped.

“It’s a bit sore.. but much better.” You told him, playing down the ache that was throbbing in your leg. He had done so much for you already, why would you want him to do more? It was just too much..

“Alright, if you say so, peach.”

Harry spent a little while preparing breakfast for you. Once he was finished, he made you a plate and came into the bedroom to get you. You had gone back to sleep, which didn’t surprise him. If there was anything you were a fan of, it was sleeping in.

He shook your shoulder while leaning down to talk to you. “Wake up, sweetheart. The food’s done.”

You grunted back, your hand blindly searching for his. He let you take it, and chuckled as you tugged on him.

“Gotta get up.”

“Get back in here.. m’cold.”

“C’mon, let’s go eat. You’ve slept long enough.” He kissed your temple, but didn’t let up on his efforts. His voice got a bit louder. “C’mon.”

“Okay, okay, okay.” You whined back, letting go of his hand and gently pushing him away.

He chuckled while you threw the covers back and stretched your arms. He didn’t want to nag you too much, so he left the bedroom and went to the kitchen. Of course he had prepared your plate like always, he just needed to gather your utensils and get you a glass of ice water.

When you strolled into the kitchen, your mouth opened in a yawn, you instantly smelled the food and your stomach growled. You sat down at the small table in front of the plate you knew was yours, and picked up the fork.

“This looks amazing.” You said as he appeared next to you, sitting the glass on the table.

“Hope you like it.” He gently brushed his fingertips against your arm before turning away.

There were a few thoughts circling your mind as you started to dig into the food he made for you. It was delicious as always, he’s very good in the kitchen, but you were distracted. And, that distraction was causing you to chew very slowly. Once Harry sat down across from you and began eating, he took notice of your weird behavior. He didn’t say anything at first, figuring maybe you were just still waking up and gaining energy. But, the longer you kept staring at the table with a blank expression, the more concerned he became.

“Everything alright?” He asked quietly, glancing up at you before cutting into his pancake with the side of the fork. The scrapping sound of the metal on the plate caught your attention.

“Hm?”

He lifted his brow slightly. “Is everything alright? You seem.. a little lost in thought.”

You quickly tried to come up with something to say. “Um, just.. eating.”

Harry knew you entirely too well to believe that. He licked his lips and took a sip of his water, his eyes never leaving your face. You were picking at the pieces of pancake you had left on your plate, debating on whether to eat them. You could feel his stare, but you hoped he would just let it go.

“Y’know you can tell me anything, peach.”

“I know that.” You mumbled back almost instantly.

He sighed. “Is the food not good?”

“No, it’s great. It’s.. not.. the food.”

He sat there in silence for a minute, just watching as you slowly drug the prongs of the fork against a piece of pancake. Sometimes, he wished you’d just be completely open with him. But he had to keep in mind that you weren’t really the kind of person to just vent when something was on your mind. You took your time with your own thoughts and only said something if you really needed someone’s input. Right now, he wasn’t sure what you were going to do next.

“Did I do something?”

You gently sat the fork down on the table and pushed the plate away, deciding you were finished eating now. When your head lifted and your eyes met his, you immediately felt your heart sink. He looked scared, almost like he feared to know what your answer was going to be. You shook your head, not wanting him to have those thoughts.

“M’just.. thinking about.. going home.”

Harry furrowed his brows, slightly confused. “What do you mean?”

Of course this wasn’t exactly what was occupying your thoughts, but it was one of the things. It just wasn’t driving you as crazy as something else.. But you opted to go with this instead, to make it easier on yourself.

“Um, I don’t.. really wanna go home today. I kinda wanna.. stay with you again.”

He let out a breath and cracked a smile. “You’re so silly. Of course you can stay, I don’t mind.”

You felt your cheeks fire up, so you looked down to try and hide it. “Okay.. if you don’t mind, I.. I really want to.”

“When I have ever told you that you can’t stay, hm?” His foot moved underneath the table to rub against yours, making you laugh a little.

“Never.”

“Never ever. And I’ll never say that.” He kept the grin on his face and it made you feel a bit better. At least now you knew he wasn’t worried about you.

“My leg is really sore and.. I don’t wanna be alone.”

He chuckled. “You mean.. you want me to take care of you, hm?”

You rolled your eyes and shaped your lips into a smile. “You’re so mean to me.”

“You know I don’t mind doing that either.”

You didn’t say anything, just gave him a soft laugh and stood up with your dishes in your hands. He watched you walk across the small kitchen and scoop your leftovers into the trash bin. When you cut on the water, he made a face you couldn’t see.

“Washing the dishes? You don’t have to do that, peach.”

“Just doing mine for now.. don’t want you to have to do everything.”

He just shook his head in disbelief and smiled. Usually he did all the work, not because you were lazy or you forced him to - but because he truly wanted to. He didn’t want you to have to lift a finger at his place, no matter what the circumstances were.

Once Harry had finished eating and cleaned up from cooking, he told you that he needed to run to get some groceries for the week. You were thrilled to tag along, of course. The entire time you were in the store, you were walking right next to him, your hand mindlessly holding onto his elbow. He didn’t like for you to be too far from him, his anxiety regarding your well being would always spike. You kept your curious eyes tamed and tried to fight the urge to run off and look at something.

He was letting you push the cart as he grabbed the things he needed. You would only let go of his arm whenever he needed to step away to get an item. He’d come right back to your side and you’d return your touch. You were holding his list in your other hand, it was slightly crumpled from hitting the cart.

“I wrote down fruits, right?” Harry said as you turned into the produce section.

You glanced down at the paper and read over his jotted words. “Mhm. Green apples, grapes, bananas, and one grapefruit.”

He nodded, but didn’t verbally reply. As the cart wheels squeaked and the music playing from the speakers in the ceiling was starting to fade from your focus, you bit down on your cheek and let your mind wonder off.

Harry left your side to pick out the fruits he wanted, leaving you to your thoughts - which, right now, wasn’t a good thing. All you could seem to focus on was the fact that he had kissed you for so long. It felt like it happened an eternity ago, it was so surreal for you. Without even realizing, you were gently rubbing your thumb against your bottom lip, the memories of his gentle pecks and soft touches of his tongue were making butterflies storm in your stomach. You wanted it to happen again, wanted it so bad. Wanted him to—

“Alright, got those.” Harry’s mumble made your head snap up and your hand fall from your face. “Is that everything?”

You stared at him for a second, trying to composure your sanity. Eventually, your eyes moved to read over the list again and you gave him a quick nod after glancing in the cart.

“That’s it.”

Despite trying to appear like you were completely fine, your palms were starting to sweat and your stomach was aching. All you could think about was kissing him again. How would you even ask him to? Would he be upset if you did so soon? What if he wanted to and he just didn’t want to ask you first? Similar thoughts kept racing through your mind, circling and spinning as fast as they could - making you feel nauseous.

“Ready to go?” He asked with a smile, nodding his head towards the front of the store.

You gulped softly. “Yep.”

[a/n: please keep in mind that this series will have several flashback/memory type of sections so don’t be confused! I will do my absolute best to make sure I clarify in the writing when a flashback moment is happening]

[katherine-multifandom]

Happy anniversary!!! 💙💚

[imuugi]

Done

[fatis18]

[sweet-creature101]

Envelopes and Punches

Harry Styles, a rich and wealthy boy falls in love with a poor girl who scams the rich for a living and simply does not care of what the world has to say about it.

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, violence and swearing.

Your heart pounded as you ran, your shoes squeaking against the wet pavement. The earphones in your ears blasted songs as you ran. This was your escape, an escape from the life you had at home and school. While running, no thought crossed your head. No thought of how to make money, how to get food on the table or how to get through another day of school full of entitled rich kids.

If there was anything you had learnt in your seventeen years of existence, it was that life has a way of becoming ruthless. One simple law governed your whole life and it was “every man for himself.” Years of living in poverty had taught that the only way to survive is by either scamming the rich or stealing money; food stamps and social security cheques could only bring in so much.

You reach your house after your daily morning run. The small fence gate flung open with a single push. The stench of alcohol and cigarettes reach your nose, it used to make you recoil internally earlier but you soon got used to it. Your mother was lying on the sofa flicking through programmes on the television. You sighed deeply as you removed your earphones and stood in your living room with your arms crossed.

“Mom, it's seven in the morning, stop watching the television.” You took a glass of water and walked over handing it to her. In the distance, through your window you saw a truck unloading boxes and a bunch of people your age handing them out “What's that going on?” You asked your mother.

“Volunteers. Think they can make this shithole better by handing out a few boxes.” Your mother scoffed. “Don’t ya have school?” She added, eying you suspiciously.

“I do.”

**********************

School was awful. Being on a scholarship and poor in a school full of rich kids did not work in your favour. The students here did not express their contempt for you in a straightforward manner but you knew it was there, flowing like a steady undercurrent. You knew that they disliked you from the way they easily dismissed you, averted their gaze from you and simply ignored you. You only had two friends, Angela and Zayn. Both of them were on scholarships just like you.

“Did you see trucks outside your house?” Zayn asked, swirling the spaghetti around his fork, slightly grimacing at the sound.

“Yeah, didn't let me sleep. I almost skipped school because of that shit.” Angela said grumbling.

“You always want to skip.” You pointed out earning an eye roll from her.

“That's besides the point. Oh by the way, y’know who's the new football captain? Zayn just loves him.” Angela said, raising her eyebrows, a mischievous smile on her face. “It's Harry Styles.” Zayn said huffing, “I almost thought of quitting but then I realised that the minute I quit, they send me out of here.”

“What's so bad about him?” You asked, stuffing fries in your mouth.

“He’s a stiff. Too nice. All he does is smile.” Zayn said, rolling his eyes.

“That's what you don't like about him?” You asked, your eyebrows raised at Zayn. He flipped you off and poked his tongue at you.

“I need to get to class, can’t get another tardy slip.” Angela said getting up and brushing down her top with her hands. “I’ll walk you.” Zayn got up and stood looking at Angela. “And they say chivalry is dead.” You remarked winking at Zayn who turned into a deep crimson.

You sigh deeply and pick up your bag, your legs groaning in pain from all the relentless running you’d been doing. Walking out the cafeteria you don’t notice the crowd of boys coming your way. You take out your phone and scroll through your text messages, the last one from your mother telling you that she’ll be late coming from work. Too immersed in answering her text you didn’t notice what was about to happen.

You bump into a hard body, your shoulder bearing the brunt of it. “Hey, watch where you’re going scumbag.” One of the boys warned you. You square your shoulders and look him in his eyes, a challenge etched in your burning eyes. “Why don’t you watch where you’re going, prick.”

Harry saw it all unfurl in front of him. Jason always had a way of letting his temper get the best of him, after getting decimated in practice he was left in a sour mood. But here Harry was, watching a girl half Jason’s weight challenge him as she stared at him, her kohl smudged eyes not blinking. Harry knew who you were, the school did. Perhaps that's why no one ever talked to you or your friends. “The band of exiles” is what his friends called you and your friends.

“Keep moving.” A voice called from behind. Harry knew who that was, it was their coach who could see the potential outcome of this. Jason scowled at you and moved. You rolled your eyes and walked ahead.

“Hey, I’m Harry. Sorry about that, Jason’s never been nice.” Harry said, his hand finding the back of his neck as he scratched it nervously. Harry looked at you and thought you were nothing short of beautiful. He didn’t miss the kohl smudged around your eyes, your thick lashes or the curve of your lips.

“I’m Y/N. It's fine, don’t apologise for him although he could use getting his teeth knocked out once a while just to keep him in line once a while y'know.” You said, smiling a bit. Harry chuckled, feeling a warm bubble grow in his chest.

“Of course I’ll keep that in mind.” Harry said nodding, his smile wide and pearly.

“You are the captain after all.” You said, shrugging lightly.

“You know that?” Harry asked you a bit surprised at your awareness of this.

“I’m in enemy territory, I need to keep my eyes and ears open.” You said smiling and looking down at the ground, suddenly aware of the holes in the sleeves of your tee shirt. You immediately hide your arms behind your back.

Harry wasn’t stupid nor was he oblivious. He noticed what you did and why you did it. The inside of his chest flamed a bit on seeing you hide yourself. “You’re not in enemy territory with me Y/N.”

“We’ll see about that Harry.”

**************************

“You have to come with me Y/N. Come on, it’ll be fun!” Angela said, twirling around her room with a dress in her hand.

“I have no clothes Angie, at least none for parties besides I have to make phone calls tonight.” You said, sighing as you flopped on her bed, the broken springs squeaking under your weight.

“You can scam the rich later.” Angela chuckled. She opened her cupboard, which was covered in splinters and had a broken knob but did the job. Although you weren’t sure if it wasn’t infested with termites.

The room had a low ceiling, a single cupboard, a small wrought iron bed and a dresser with an attached mirror. Your room was the exact same, except the fact that even your wooden floorboards were falling apart in some places although you had decorated it with fairy lights all over.

“How am I supposed to pay for food, electricity or even water then?” You questioned her.

“Tomorrow, make as many calls as you want, hell even rob someone. But tonight you’re a free bird.” Angela tapped on.

“Where are we even going?” You asked her, looking at the cracks in the ceiling. Angela smiled triumphantly at her win.

“Niall's house.” She said, wiggling her brows.

“Horan?”

“Yeah, we’ve been talking on and off so he called me over at this party he’s having tonight.” She said, looking at herself in the mirror.

You thought over it, you needed the money desperately. You’d just have to call your usual clients (rich men who cheated on their wives) at the party itself.

“Fine. Let’s go then.” You said getting up.

“You can't go like this.” Angela said, eying you up and down. You wore a loose white tank top that had a rather deep neck than what you usually wore, a pair of mini black shorts and your dirty converse that were on the verge of tearing apart.

“Watch me.” You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

“At Least let me straighten your hair. And do your makeup. And lend you my jewellery. And-”

“No, that's all you can do, Ang.” You shot back.

“Okay fine. Now sit.”

It took you over an hour and another thirty minutes to reach Niall's house which was across the city. Of course, the rich wouldn’t live anywhere near the faulty neighbourhoods. Which is why you hated being here, standing near the pool, watching the same people you avoided at school watch you. The drink in your hand didn’t have the effect you expected it to.

Might as well get work done. You thought to yourself.

You brought out your phone and opened the list of phone numbers you had smuggled in from a friend who worked in charities and had a knack for observation about who glanced too long at who. Stalking these men outside The Ritz, the most expensive hotel in town on Fridays also helped your cause. You dialled the first number, waiting for the man to pick up.

“Hello?” A heavy and gruff voice answered from the other end.

“Am I speaking to Raymond Sturgis?” You asked, your sweet as if it were dripping with honey.

“Yes, who is this?”

“It doesn’t matter. I know you meet up with Chayenne every Tuesdays, Thursdays and the weekend outside the Ritz at approximately 6:30, maybe even 7:00 depending on traffic. God knows what your wife would think of that? She’d divorce you, claim her share in the company which- correct me if I’m wrong, is a whopping sixty percent. Oh and also claim custody of your kids.” You said smugly.

“What do you want?” The voice on the other end had become visibly strained.

“Four thousand dollars, cash.”

“I could easily report you. You’d go to prison for this.”

“By time the police reach I’d have already mailed your wife pictures of you and the lovely Chayenne.”

“Fine. Where should I drop the cash?”

You told your usual address, a park fifteen minutes away from your house and to drop the cash by midnight. You sigh and sit down at the lounge chair staring at the water.

“You’re knee deep in enemy territory, soldier.”

You heard the familiar voice, a smile finding its way on your lips. You turn your head and find that all too familiar face smile at you, eyes glazed and a lazy smile with two bottles in hand.

“I see you bear gifts.” You said, smiling just as he did.

“That I do. Beer or breezer or whatever is in this cup?”

“I’ll take the cup and beer.” You said.

Harry sat down next to you, your knees and thighs touching. “Been over a week since I last talked to you, although I keep on seeing you everywhere.” Harry said. You almost choked on your drink at his uncalled confession.

“Why didn’t you approach me then?” You asked him, turning your face to look at him. You thought he looked handsome, handsome in a rugged way. You breathed in his deodorant. Maybe it was the alcohol, although it barely acted but you wanted to kiss him.

“Asked myself the same thing every day.”

The last Harry talked to you was when he needed notes in English. He tried to concoct funny if not odd reasons to talk to you and here you were, sitting next to Niall’s pool where Harry had drowned far too many times.

“I wished you did.” You spoke suddenly, drawing Harry out of his trance.

“Talk to you?”

“Yeah.Wait,” You said, downing the whole bottle of beer in a single breath, grimacing at the taste. “I like you Harry, like talking to you. You’re better than most people here, other than me of course. But you see me, not just look at me. That’s got to count for something.”

Harry felt his heart leap at your words.

“Fraternising with the enemy, guess you’re not that good of a soldier after all.” Harry said chuckling, tucking a loose strand of your hair. He didn't miss the way your cheeks flushed a deep crimson nor did he miss the way you quickly averted your gaze from his eyes to the ground. He would’ve found this change in demeanour amusing had he not been harbouring the intense desire to kiss you.

“Shut up.”

*****************************

Days of talking turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. You and Harry had been friends for over two months. Two months of drinking on rooftops of buildings you didn’t know existed, two months of getting to know each other, two months of having the bubble of feelings you had for him grow bigger and two months of still wanting to grab his face and kiss him.

And you never wanted to kiss him as much as you did now, locked in a tiny broom closet at Niall's House. The alcohol in your system didn’t help either. Your self control was being tested with every passing second.

“Seven minutes have never felt longer.” Harry chuckled, breaking the ice. You both were standing close enough that you could feel his hand brush yours, his chest leaving a phantom touch.

“Don’t sweat it Styles.” You mumbled.

“You know, I never noticed how pretty you are.” Harry said, a smile appearing on his face. You blushed furiously.

“Shut up.”

“No, that's a lie. I saw how pretty you are the minute I set eyes on you.”

You quickly averted your eyes to the ground, looking at your shoes.

“Y/N, look at me. Please.” Harry kept a finger under your chin and nudged your face towards his.

“Don’t do this Har.” You said, peering into his clear green eyes.

“Why?”

“Because I want to kiss you and we’re both drunk and then we’ll never talk about it and then we’ll forget about it and then-”

“Shh. It’s okay. I’ll kiss you when you’re sober. Promise.” Harry shushed you, placing a finger on your lips.

“You don’t have to promise.” You mumbled against his fingers.

“I want to.” He smiled at you, hooking a hand around your waist and dragging you closer.

“Okay.” You said, smiling slightly.

“But for now,” Harry kissed the corner of your lips.

“Are you always this cheeky?” You questioned laughing.

“Only with you.”

***************

“Move it to the left.”

“Are you stupid mate?”

“Oh wait, move a bit towards the right.”

Out of all the ways Harry imagined spending his weekend, delivering boxes of essential goods to an abandoned neighbourhood in the south side was not what he expected.

“Ugh when do we go home?” Blair asked, looking up from her phone. Loose strands of blonde hair had escaped her ponytail which now came down to frame her face.

“Not until afternoon so sit tight.” Jason said, carrying a load of boxes.

“Jeez, we have to give them a toothbrush too? Like isn’t that three pounds?” The irritated girl said, peeking into the boxes in front of her.

“Less talking, more work. That means you too Blair.” Harry said checking off boxes in this list he carried.

Harry often found his mind wandering to you. Thinking of you, your smile, your laugh, your eyes and anything remotely related to you. He wondered where you were, what you were doing right now.

“Did I tell you my dad got threatened?” Blair said, blowing a bubble of the gum in her mouth.

“What?” Harry immediately forgot about the list in his hand and diverted his attention to the blonde.

“Yeah. Someone just called out of nowhere and told him to leave money in a park or else she’d leak some information.” She said casually.

“A park?” Jason asked snorting.

“Yeah and it’s not too far from here either.” Blair continued.

Harry merely hummed. He particularly didn’t care about what happened to Blair’s dad and certainly didn’t care that he had to bear a bit of damage. From a distance, he saw a figure running. He thought it looked like you but blamed it on wishful thinking.

Harry didn’t realise it was you until he could properly see you. You were running, your hair was bound in a loose ponytail. He saw you were wearing his favourite shorts, short enough to show your legs yet long enough to just cover your butt. The tight black tank top you wore left almost nothing to the imagination.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” Harry called out, smiling wide.

You look at him and his friends like a deer blinded by headlights. Your grip tightened around the envelope in your hand, hoping Blair wouldn’t notice that it was her fathers company logo embossed onto it. You silently cursed that man as a fool once you saw that he sent his company envelope.

“Harry, hi. I didn’t expect to see you here.” You nervously chuckled. Harry walked towards you, slinging an arm around your waist drawing you closer. You could feel his hand go lower and lower.

“Are you here to help us?” Blair asked you, eyeing you up and down.

“Oh, no. I went out for a walk.” You replied.

“In this neighbourhood?” She further questioned you, her eyes narrowed into slits.

“I live here.” You stated firmly, waiting for the taunting, name calling or anything of the sort. You felt Harry straighten behind you.

“Oh.” The taunting never came. You couldn’t decide what was worse, contempt or pity.

“Yeah well I better get going.” You said, sensing the shift in environment. “I’ll see you later, yeah?” You told Harry, turning around to kiss him on the cheek.

Harry blushed slightly, squeezing your waist tighter. “Of course”

You begin to walk, half relieved that no one noticed the big logo on the envelope in your hand.

“Hey! Wait”

Spoke too soon.

You turn around to find Blair looking at you, her arms crossed and her expression morphed into one of accusation.

“Show me that envelope.” She demanded, walking closer to you.

You stand straighter, your shoulders squared. “What’s it to you?” You retort back.

Blair came behind you and suddenly snatched the envelope. “You bitch,” She spat at you. “You’re the one who’s been threatening my dad. How low can you go?”

“It’s nothing he didn’t deserve.” You said calmly.

“I knew letting in people like you in our world was a mistake. You’re nothing but scum. We all know your mom gives blowjobs and we all know that you’re going to carry the family legacy.” Blair taunted, laughing dryly at you.

“Shut up you don’t know anything.” You said, desperately trying to hone the storm inside of you.

“No Y/N, trust me I do know. I know that you’re going to be the neighbourhood whore, like your mom. That’s all you’re good for. You’re a nobody. You always were and you always will be.”

The rage you felt in that moment was blinding. You had to fight back, if not for who you are right now then for the five year old girl you used to be. That small timid girl who would flinch at every noise, every echoing gunshot and everything.

You tackled the girl to the ground and punched her. You keep on punching her, swallowing your sobs as you drained out her screams and everyone else’s around you. You feel hands drag you away from the girl and hurl you to the ground.

“Y/N stop. You’re better than this.” Harry looks at you, with soft eyes.

“Is she though?” Jason asked, carrying Blair to the truck. You avert your gaze to the boy in front of you.

“Yeah, what you’ll beat me too? Try me bitch.”

Bitch. Scum. Lowlife. Nobody. Whore.

“I’m not a bitch.” You say, your voice hoarse.

“Can’t say the same.” Jason curtly replied.

You look at him with angered eyes, certain that if you could blow steam, you would be doing so right now.

“You know what Jason, maybe I am a bitch. Maybe I’m a lowlife, scum, a whore, a nobody or maybe even all of those things.” You said, getting up walking to him.

You punch him square in the face, breaking his nose. You wanted him to hit. You wanted him to hit you hard, hard enough to knock you out. And he did. You felt pain sear straight from your stomach upto your eye, like a hot brand marking your skin.

And then everything went dark.

*************

Radio silence. Three days had gone by since your cards had been laid bare, three days since you had beat up Blair, three days since you had gotten beaten up, three days since you last heard from Harry. It was unbearable, this constant pining and anxiety. Which is why, the second you got the text from Harry asking you to meet him, you didn’t hesitate before saying yes.

You sat on your usual bench, waiting for Harry. There were a million things you wanted to say, a million things on your mind and a million more you wanted to ask. You heard the shuffling of footsteps and knew who it was.

“Hey.” You looked over to see Harry. He looked devastatingly handsome tonight.

“Hi.” You said back, looking down.

“Let me take a look at you.” Harry said, hooking a finger under your chin. You refused to meet his gaze. He felt his heart grind a bit at your reaction. “Look at me, please?” Harry asked softly.

Your eyes met his and you felt tears spring up in your eyes. You bit your lip to keep it from wobbling. “Hey hey, don’t cry. I’m not leaving you Y/N. I’m here for you okay?” Harry said, kneeling down so that he was face to face with you, taking your hands in his.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better.” You sob, completely breaking down.

Harry hugs you tight, holding you until you calm down. “What does a mermaid wear to math class?” Harry asked you.

“What?” You mumble, your face squished against his shoulder.

“An algae-bra.”

You laugh, your head feeling better. “It’s so bad Har.”

“Ah there’s my girl.” Harry said, pulling away, smiling at you. “I like it when you laugh.” He said, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“So, scamming huh?” Harry asked you, sitting beside you.

You sighed through your nose. “Before you call me unethical, I only do that to men who cheat on their wives, it’s easier that way.” You said looking up.

“Well, at least someone’s maintaining the justice system.” Harry chuckled.

“How’s Blair?” You asked him.

“Not as bad as you, she doesn’t have a black eye like you. She’s healing and she’s decided not to press charges.” Harry replied.

“Thank God.” You sighed in relief.

“You wanted Jason to hit you, didn’t you?” Harry looked at you, asking you the question you knew he would.

“Yeah.” You mumbled quietly.

“Why?”

“Because everyone at school calls me a lowlife, scum and what not. It angers me. It makes me want to scream and yell and shout. The only way I escape that anger is when I’m sleeping.”

“So that’s why you wanted him to hit you. To escape.”

“Is that so wrong?”

“No, it’s not but don’t do it again. I won’t let it happen again.”

“Okay.”

You scoot closer to Harry, placing your head on his shoulder and holding his hand. You felt safe. You felt happy. You felt at home.

“Y/N?” He called out your name. You look at him, the moonlight illuminating the crests of his cheekbones. You bring a hand up to trace them.

“Can I kiss you?” You ask him.

“You beat me to it.” Harry said, smiling at you.

He suddenly took your face in his hands and kissed you. He kissed you long and hard, like a man starving for food. The bubble in your chest exploded. The world around you suddenly didn’t matter. A mosaic of sensation exploded around you as you kept on kissing him, your hands travelling around every inch of his body, savouring him slowly.

Harry pulled away, kissing the inside of your wrists, your neck and then your nose.

“No matter what happens Y/N, I’ll always be here for you. No matter what the world says. You can trust me and I swear on my life, I won’t hurt you.” Harry told you. You felt your eyes burn again. “Stop making me cry so much.” You half chuckled.

“Great, I still have to ask if you’ll date me. I reckon that’ll make you cry more.” Harry said.

You squealed in happiness, tackling him down the bench as you both fell to the ground. You kissed him long and hard.

“Yes Harry. Yes”

Authors note: So how are we feeling about this? Let me know in the comments if you liked it or not. Talk to me and interact, I love it when you do.

All the love,

B.

[vodkabodies]

Surprise?

Summary: A seemingly normal celebration trip where Harry learns that consuming alcohol isn’t the only thing that can get a girl puking.

Pairing: Harry Styles x Non-showbiz gf

WC: 2.2k

Warnings: Mentions of drinking, pregnancy, and some fluff <3

A/N: My first published work here so please be gentle. Enjoy!

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Y/n didn’t know what prayer worked out of the multiple ones she consistently recited for this day to finally come into fruition. The day where Harry set aside work and exchanged his incredibly busy schedule with one where his only agenda was to unwind and bond with his family, friends, and ofcourse Y/n, his girlfriend of almost five years. Today was a couple of days before his birthday and a day before their anniversary, so it meant everything for Y/n that the love of her life gets to celebrate the way he deserves to, even for just the weekend.

They were currently staying at a resort in Big Sur, Harry’s mom and older sister, as well as a couple of their closest friends had cleared their own schedules to be able to celebrate with Harry. Y/n took pride in finding the perfect venue for this weekend getaway, and she was just as proud at the gifts she had bought for her man, a bundle of vintage vinyls she knew he’d absolutely love, and an electric guitar he’d been eyeing online for quite some time now. She intended to give him these gifts once they got back from their trip.

Anne and Gemma were picked up directly from the airport by Mitch and Sarah, with their child in a car seat who was asleep for most of the drive, while some of their other friends drove themselves to the resort. The couple on the other hand, ran a little later than intended as the night before, they did some ‘special adult activities’ that they were aware they could not do on the group trip, to keep it as wholesome as possible. Y/n woke up, bundled in sheets, beside Harry who was still deep in slumber while the clock on his bedside table read 7:15. The drive from their shared home in L.A. to Big Sur would take at least 5 hours, but traffic would surely be expected so they planned beforehand to leave as early as possible so they could arrive at the venue by noon. Thankfully, they finished packing and loading their things in the car early the day before so all they had to do was quickly get ready and make sure they didn’t forget anything.

“You made sure the oven isn’t on?” Y/n asked loudly as she bolted out the front door, “Baby, we didn’t even cook anything yesterday, the oven is off… And so are the lights in every room. We’re good to go.” Harry explains as he gets in the driver’s seat. “I’m so excited! The weather’s so nice!” Y/n exclaimed and to that Harry smiled, while pulling out their driveway. The drive went smoothly, at the three hour mark they realized that they were definitely not gonna make it on time, so Y/n  sent a text in the group chat that the group, who all surprisingly showed up on time, should eat lunch without them and that they’d just pick up some drive-thru on the way.

The clock read almost 2 p.m. when they arrived and everyone thought it was funny how it seemed like the couple planned their grand entrance by being tardy like the duo they were known to be. Always so fashionably late. Catching up was necessary and so that was what they mostly did throughout the rest of the day, besides watching a couple of movies and cooking dinner. It unexpectedly rained around dinner time so their plans of starting a bonfire that night were postponed until tomorrow evening. Everyone went to their designated rooms after they all agreed to wake up extra early for a hike, Anne and Gemma deciding not to join as their jet lag got the best of them and so they could look after the burnt out parents' baby.

After their group hike in the morning and a very filling lunch when they got back, everyone spent the rest of the afternoon swimming until the water got too cold and the sun was setting. "Thank you for convincing me, Y/n. I really needed this." Harry said as they walked back to their room to freshen up before dinner. "You're welcome, baby. You always work so hard, I'm so happy you actually agreed. I'm sure the others needed this just as much as we do." After taking a quick shower and changing to more comfortable lounge clothes, everyone headed to the dining table where comfort food was served.

“You have one year before you turn three decades old, darling.” Anne jokes and Harry shakes his head with a chuckle as they sit beside each other at the table. Harry handed Y/n the bowl of rice before replying to his mum, "Making me sound so old!" and Anne returned the same laugh. "Well, you're not necessarily a baby anymore… Might as well have a baby of your own!" Harry didn't reply but smiled at the idea. His career was doing incredibly well, he's well received by the public, he has amazing family and friends who have supported him throughout the years, and a girlfriend he never thought he'd deserve. Life was good, and a family of his own one day sounded like heaven to his ears.

Dinner went by fast as everyone devoured their meals, hungry from the activities they did all morning and afternoon. Noticing that the sky was clear tonight, they decided to finally start the bonfire and set up some chairs around it. S'mores were made and beer bottles were opened as stories were shared by everyone. Sarah accompanied their baby to their room as it was approaching bedtime. Mitch picked up the guitar he had brought with them and everybody cheered when music started echoing the open area.

Although it was a simple get together, Harry was having the time of his life… Singing, drinking, laughing until he almost fell off the foldable chair, all while being wrapped in his lover's embrace and surrounded by nature. "I can't wait to show you my gifts when we get home." Y/n whispered in his ear. "Why wait at home when you can show it to me tonight?" he playfully replied, making her erupt in giggles. "That's not what I'm talking about. I have more to give but they're at home." She says as she kisses his cheek.

Y/n was singing along until she felt something boiling at the pit of her stomach. She quickly excused herself from the circle to go to the bathroom. Could it have been something they ate? Everything served was fresh and no one seemed to have an upset stomach aside from her at that moment. Immediately heading for the bathroom door, the knob appeared to be locked from the inside. "One second!" Gemma exclaims as she turns off the sink. Once she opened the door, Y/n rushed to the toilet and puked most of dinner out. "Y/n, are you alright?" Gemma asks in worry as she rushes towards Y/n's side. She took a minute to answer as she vomited one more time, "Uh… I'm fine. Just an upset stomach, maybe." Right as she finishes her sentence, another round of puking erupted from her as Gemma held her hair up and rubbed her back soothingly. "How many have you drunk so far?" She hasn't had anything to drink tonight… Come to think of it, the past few weeks she had refrained from drinking overall. No particular reason, she thought. But truly, a part of her brain was telling her she shouldn't.

"I haven't been drinking at all lately." At this, she stood up and headed over to the sink. "I've been feeling nauseous lately, but never to the point of puking. I don't know if it's something I ate today… I don't know." She adds as she rinses her mouth with water, lightheaded from the endless vomiting. Cog wheels started turning in Gemma's head as clueless Y/n explained her current situation. "Y/n I don't want to alarm you, but do you think maybe there's a chance… you might be pregnant?" She asked, trying her very best to not worry her, in case the girl didn't want to hear that right now.

It took her a minute to process what Harry's sister had said. Could she really be pregnant? If she was, that could explain everything she'd been feeling lately. Even as hectic as Harry's schedule was, they did still have some time to themselves and ‘bond’. Not as often as they would've liked but they take advantage of any time they could have together. The past couple of weeks though, Y/n had found herself becoming clingier than usual, craving his presence a little more than she already did. And she started losing a bit of appetite for food she'd normally be able to inhale when she craved it. Feelings she thought were seemingly normal, turned out to be symptoms all along. No wonder the mere smell of alcohol made her stomach turn!

She stared at herself in the mirror for a couple more seconds, then turned to look at Gemma with concern on her face, patiently waiting for Y/n to say something. "It's not impossible… I might be." Y/n finally spoke. She was genuinely shocked. Really shocked because they haven't really planned on having children any time soon. Should she tell Harry now? Or should she take a test first just in case? "Do you want me to grab a pregnancy test for you?" They were walking out of the bathroom now. "It's alright, I'll take a test the moment we get home tomorrow. I don't think I should tell Harry yet." Y/n whispers as they head back to where everybody was, following the sounds of loud singing and beautiful guitar playing. Before they could exit the door, Gemma grabbed Y/n's hands. "If you really are pregnant, I just wanna say that I'm happy Harry gets to start a family with you. I'll try to hide it from mum for now but I can already tell she'll be ecstatic!" This meant everything for Y/n. His family loved her like their own and she values them so much. After hugging, they finally arrived back at the bonfire. Fortunately, some of them were too tipsy, Harry included, to notice their absence. "Hey, baby!" Harry reached for Y/n's hand and motioned for her to sit beside him. She obliged and quickly engulfed in Harry's warm embrace. 

After another hour and a half, with Sarah joining them again once the baby fell asleep, they were bringing their chairs back inside and headed to their rooms to end the night. Harry and Y/n were laughing as Harry stumbled into their shared room after losing his balance when she opened the door. "Oi! Laughing a little too loud at a poor man falling instead of helping him up?" she giggles uncontrollably while reaching her hand out to help him.

Harry was about to kiss her after he closed the door but Y/n immediately felt the same wave in her stomach as she did earlier and bolted to the bathroom. Harry rushed behind her as he watched his girlfriend puke her guts out, head hanging above the toilet. "Are you okay, love? Had too much to drink?" he asked as he knelt down beside her. For a second she stared at the bathroom floor, not knowing if any second she'll puke again before she can get any words out. After a minute of silence she finally spoke, "Harry, I didn't drink at all tonight." She didn't want to tell him just yet, she wasn't entirely sure after all. But the way she looked at him almost begged him to read between the lines and understand the point she was trying to make. It took him a moment, still in his half drunk state. She looked into his eyes then down at her stomach, which wasn't showing, but she hoped he got the message.

"You're pregnant?" he asked in confusion, searching for answers in her eyes which were now welling up with tears. All she could do was nod as he pulled her in his arms. "I'm not entirely sure yet. But when I left to use the bathroom earlier, I ran to puke and Gemma helped me. She was the one who asked if I was possibly pregnant. I wasn't really thinking about it at all." Harry pulled away before he could reply. "We're having a baby?" he asked, more enthusiastic now. "Maybe…" she replied after rinsing her mouth. Without wasting another moment, Harry closed the gap between him and his lover as he kissed her prior worries away. She didn't want to ruin the trip by announcing this to her partner out of the blue, but it was never bad news to begin with. Once they pulled apart from each other's hungry lips, Y/n had one thing to say, "Surprise?" They both immediately laughed and hugged at her words.

They went outside again, that very same night. While the rest were fast asleep, they walked hand-in-hand talking about clearing both their schedules to book and attend an appointment for a check-up. Harry didn't think this getaway would get any better, but it just did. "Baby, I almost forgot!" Y/n alarmingly exclaimed as she looked at the time on her wrist watch. "What?!" Harry asked with concern, but she smiled at him before he could panic. "Happy Anniversary, H." she spoke, resting her hand on his cheek, pulling him into a quick peck on the lips. "Happy Anniversary, angel. I love you so much."

When they finally got home the next day, Y/n gave Harry the gifts she had bought, he adored every single one of them. And while she napped after unpacking their luggage, Harry spent the rest of the afternoon scavenging for the perfect engagement ring online.

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A/N: Thank you for reading! I would appreciate some feedback for future reference <3 More updates soon once I get the hang of this app!

Twitter: @vodkabodies

[grapejuicestyless]

What A Waste

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: You and Harry swore that you would one day marry each other if you were to grow up and not already have a lover. Yet, when the time comes and the two of you are wed, Harry cannot let himself enjoy it.

ANGST

I’m standing at the alter, hands clasped together and eyes looking towards the door at the end of the aisle. Yet my hands do not shake, and my cheeks dk not ache with the pain only a genuine smile can cause. My heart does not pound out of my chest because I am not in love. The girl coming down the aisle is nothing more but a pawn in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe once, I would’ve held those feelings towards her, but our blood has since ran cold. Any fond memories tainted by our final goodbye.

She wasn’t very interesting to look at. Maybe, at least if my heart couldn’t love her, I could have something nice to look at. Something delicate, pretty. But her lips were pouty and her eyes held clouds over them. There was nothing attractive about the solemn face that hid her beauty.

When her hands hold mine, and her face is just inches from my own, I find it within myself to recite the vows I’d written for her. Carefully constructed to sound like a true loving husband, but with no true emotion that not even she, in her most oblivious state would ever have accounted for.

When she read hers, I saw her hands shaking. Her lip trembling and the furrow in her brow as she stumbled on her words. How embarrassing, how nervous she was. Acting like it was all real. Finding a way to make theater into reality.

How softly, she told me she would. Love me forever, take care of me and support me from the sidelines. Even softer, she mumbled about how even when she was riddled with arthritis, sick and tired, she would still twirl my hair the way I lived when we were children. When I kissed her, I felt nothing. When I pulled away, her smile could have fooled me. How genuinely happy she looked. But I remember the way she left me, and I remember how it could never truly be real. And I remember why I hate her, how I could never love her. Not even a little bit, not even at all.

…………………………………………………………………………………

“H?” She calls me by the nickname she gave to me when we were younger. I don’t realize that even now, twenty years later her mind had still clung to it as if it would be any importance to her anymore.

“Don’t call me that.” I’m bitter, I hate the way it sounds so sweet on her tongue. I hate the way her smile falls when I reprimand her, and most of all I hate the way I’m forever bound to her. With all the money in the world, nothing could separate us, no matter how hard I tried.

She rubs her arms, wearing her fluffy pink pajama pants and a shirt thats reads, “We think Harry had the X-Factor” so cracked, it almost doesn’t even read correctly anymore. The words die on her tongue, look at what I found? I see her enthusiasm melt away. When her eyes drift to the unmade bed and her feet start to move, I speak again.

“No.” Her confused face infuriates me. How could she not understand the justification of my cruelty.

“Your room is down the hall.” The one with the squeaky mattress and dusty floorboards. The one with photos of my old house, with the old garden and the old cats. It’s empty and the heat doesn’t work very well. But the cold from her heart wouldn’t mind it, truly.

I hate how her hair lingers on every surface. I hate how her perfume wafts into the bathroom while I shower. And now, more than all, I hate how she looks at me with rounded eyes glossed over almost too innocently.

But she is not an idiot. We both know it. Silence speaks volumes, I know she pieces together the puzzle as she walks away. The shirt hanging loosely off of her shoulder and her face hidden from my view. She never looks back. She doesn’t say goodnight.

…………………………………………………………………………………

“Do you think we’d be soulmates in another universe?” I ask, tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth. The fresh England summer air hot and humid. I say it with dirt on my skin, grass stuck to my knees. I pull at the ribbons in her hair and watch how she smiles. We were only children then. Fourteen and convinced we were all grown up.

“Why not in this one?” She asked honestly, looking at me with so much truth in her eyes, I believed her. And the way her hand fit into mine, I could feel my heart pounding. And I knew then, she was the one for me. The way my body reacted, how quickly my heart pounded so violently, I thought it might burst from my chest. Too young to be kissing and too old to not think about it, we stare at each other in the wet grass in the backyard and wait for the final sunset to disappear into the horizon, my eyes looking into hers and her hand in my hair.

For a long while, I believed what she did. We were soulmates, we were bound together. Always by my side, always encouraging me. She makes shirts for my family while I start my career. She helps me rehearse my songs and her voice makes me believe that it should be her on stage, not me.

When the band is formed, and One Directions fate is sealed into greatness, I spend the last summer of normalcy singing in the fields and holding her hand like real good friends would. Her hand in my hair again, twirling it between her finger and her thumb. I want to kiss her, but the smile on her face makes me too nervous to. I think she has the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen. I think she is the prettiest girl I’ll ever see.

“When we are twenty eight and not married yet, will you marry me?” She asks me in the last week of that August. It confuses me, it’s such a random age. It’s so young. But the idea of getting to be with her forever makes my cheeks flush.

“Why twenty eight? Why not forty?” She laughs, says something on how I’ll find it silly. For a girl with as much potential as her to wish for something so silly.

“I want to have a warm house with a soft bed. A dog and two cats and children. I want two boys and a girl. I want a white fence to keep them in from the street and little family trips where we can all laugh and be happy. And with all of that, I hope I am a writer still. I hope I have critically acclaimed novels and a Nobel Peace Prize.” And I don’t think her dreams are stupid. And even though her dreams are so hard to make real, the way she dreams about it out loud makes me believe it will happen to her.

When we leave the grassy field that night, I have no idea it will be the last I’ll see of her for a while. All I know is in the morning my mother has a solemn look on her face and a letter in her hand. When she sits me down to read it, all I hear beyond the violent ringing is my mother telling me she is gone. She left, only leaving behind her empty promises and a tainted memory of what I once believed to be something so pure and precious.

I don’t see the letter. Maybe if I had, I would have known it was in her father’s handwriting. And my dear Y/n hadn’t left me because the beating of her heart lost its rhythm in me, but because she was forced away into a house that would never be her home.

…………………………………………………………………………………

“God, you are a self-righteous prick.” She huffs, quickly untying the apron from her waist, letting the blue and yellow fabric fold over her hips and be discarded on the shiny tile floors. Not yet scuffed from the lack of dancing. Never truly loved. But I wouldn’t know what the difference was. I stopped learning how to love when love walked out on me.

“And you must be a victim!” She sticks out her tongue and groans, rolling her eyes and walking down the hall. The lights are dim, candles burning. It’s her own touch. She claimed she hated the big lights. The smaller ones made it much more homely. I didn’t care enough to fight her then, but as I stumble around I wish I had.

“I gave you everything! I gave you a roof to live under. All the money on the goddamn earth and all the glory! And yet you are ungrateful!” I spit at her with venom I don’t even know I possess.

“Oh my god, you don’t even know me!” She turns, and her eyes are crazy, hair wild. “My own husband doesn’t even know me!” She says it like it hurts her.

“Don’t call me that.” I tell her firmly. I try not to look at the rock on her finger, how it taunts me.

“What does it embarrass you? I hope it does. I hope all of your friends tease and taunt you for marrying the girl you never wanted, but had to have!” She laughs then, stepping closer to me, her finger in my chest.

“I will not let a loveless marriage strip me of my heart and my soul. You can hate me, but you should know better than to think you would have any power to strip me of my humanity.” She said it with such power, her voice shook with the same fierceness she felt in her bones. And yet, her anger didn’t lead me astray. For the first time in our loveless marriage, I felt a twinge of guilt for the innocent girl who I let bleed so gruesomely on the floor of our own home.

“Believe it or not, I am not the cruel witch you make me out to be. I am a woman, the same woman who loved you all those years ago. I still dream of having children and cats and a dog. A damn white picket fence! But, what a waste! Our agreement! If it could have at least given me that, or god forbid it had brought us together! I am still the same woman who loved you, and it is clear to me you are not the same man. You are bitter and I pity you because you must be so unhappy to feel the need to be that way.”

“And what else? Do you still dream of a medal in your honor for your writing? Or has that woman finally grown up to smell the roses and see that the world isn’t always built just for her.” I should’ve backed down, the moment she showed vulnerability, but for some reason I could not shut my mouth. I needed the last word.

“I outgrew those dreams the second I married you.” If my heart wasn’t shattered completely then, it had been now. And why? Over some words a girl I claimed to hate had to share?

“What a shame too. A book full of stories of us destined to the fire on our wedding night. And even if I were to write again, who would read about how you broke my heart? And how I continue to let you stomp it out until there is nothing but the dust that remains.” When she leaves, her dress sways behind her. She’s wearing my sweatshirt and she has the same white ribbons in her hair she had all those years ago. She never really did lie to me, did she.

She was only a girl. Ribbons tied into her hair and a white dress with lace so frilly, it resembled her wedding dress. A dress I never appreciated. I wondered if I looked into the old box of photos of the day we were destined for failure, if I would find any photos of her in all her innocence. Or, if that same smile she greeted me with before she knew me would be tainted with the same hate I bred inside of her through my own negligence.

I regret every feeling I’d ever felt towards her. How I called her plain, uninteresting, unlikable. The realization of this guilt hits so hard, it is undeniable. I feel this way because I have succeeded. I have crushed the heart of a girl who continued to love me through my greed. And I know I have succeeded through the look in her eyes and the frown lines by her lips. The lines that once represented deep smiles gone in an instant.

She only solidifies what I know when I see her suitcase by the door. Practically empty, nothing in this house is truly hers. She has gone from one loveless house to another, not yet finding her home. Not yet living her dream.

“You don’t need to divorce me, but I can’t stay. Not now. Not when I still love you. I can’t come back until every piece of you is gone. Maybe then, your insults won’t hurt so much, and we could get along.” She smiles softly, but it’s so fake it hurts my heart.

I don’t stop her, but I wish I had. This house isn’t a home without her. If I could change it, I would. I still loved her, and thats what makes it all sting so much more. The tormenting, the pain and the tears. All a result of two soulmates bound to be together, yet one of them refused to let it happen.

I hope she’ll come back soon. Sooner than last time. And I hope her heart still yearns for me. I’ll propose to her for real this time, not just under circumstance. And when she walks down the aisle, I’ll shake just as badly as she did the first time. And we can laugh about our experience in our first try at rekindling our flame, and we can finally have a house with a fence and two boys and a girl, a dog and two cats. And she can write about how wonderful her life is and win every award there is to win. And I will stand beside her like a good husband because I love her.

I will spend each hour she is gone wishing for her to come back. For the ache to ease itself. And what a waste. If only I could write a good song about it without ranting and going off into small tangents. If only I could’ve done it right. If only it could have brought us together.

[whn-hi-met-oops]

OH HOW I LIVE FOR THIS NEW LARRY TEA!

Her dad has just been holding onto this secret since OTRA! Just sitting there clueless while us Larries learned to hack and essentially become FBI agents to get our hands on information like this!